One of the things I work with clients on is helping them to see and acknowledge the positive intention behind their behaviors — yes, even behaviors that feel negative, yucky, or self-sabotaging.
Even behaviors they are deeply invested in changing.
When we develop behaviors, actions, coping mechanism, habits, or patterns, we do so because of a positive intention.
Think of something you’re doing in your life that is feeling negative, yucky, or like it’s self-sabotaging.
Perhaps it’s continuing to try ‘one more diet’ over and over again.
Perhaps it’s creating ridiculously high expectations around movement that either (1) leave you feeling totally burnt out or (2) keep you from moving at all because you couldn’t possibly live up to the expectations.
Perhaps it’s making certain foods off limits only to find yourself obsessing over that food 24/7 and feeling out of control when you finally get your hands on it.
Perhaps it’s beating yourself up over what you’re assuming others might think of you.
Perhaps it’s comparing your life to strangers on the internet day in and day out.
Perhaps it’s missing out on certain experiences in your life because you think your body should be smaller before you allow yourself to say ‘yes.’
Perhaps it’s something else?
While these behaviors might not feel good for you, I truly believe there was a REALLY GOOD REASON why you started doing them in the first place.
Perhaps it was to trying to belong?
Perhaps to try to motivate yourself?
Perhaps it was to feel grounded or in control when things felt crazy?
Perhaps it was to feel like you’re good enough?
Perhaps it’s something else?
To truly be able to change your behaviors, it’s essential to acknowledge and honor the positive intention behind the behavior that — for one reason or another — is no longer serving you.
Then, you can work on practicing new ways to honor that positive intention that feel better for you.
I know change can be hard.
This isn’t meant to sugarcoat that.
But, I do think that it helps us to understand the reasons why we continue to do the same things over and over again, even when they aren’t working for us. And, it helps us to move forward and create meaningful change!
Here are the steps broken down, if you’re up for workshopping this for yourself today:
- What’s one behavior in your life right now that’s no longer feeling right for you? No longer working for you? No longer serving you?
- What’s the really good reason (positive intention) that you started that in the first place?
- What’s one small way you can begin to honor that intention through a new, different behavior or action?
I believe in your ability to learn new and different ways of showing up for yourself.
I believe in you.
