In college, I was the self-proclaimed to-do list QUEEN.
I loved scheduling out every moment of every day, down to when I would brush my teeth. It made me feel like I was in control of each minute and if I could cross everything off the list, it gave me a sense of accomplishment for the day.
If there was ever a day when I didn’t get to everything, I felt the opposite of accomplishment. I felt like a failure.
This only made me want to micro-manage and control even more, so that I could avoid that feeling.
Soon, I was trying to control everything in my life – not only my daily tasks, but every bite of food I ate, how many minutes I exercised, how many calories I burned, and how much I weighed.
Control, control, control.
If I had a day where it worked, I got a hit of adrenaline that made me feel like I was on top of the world.
The days where it didn’t work, well, I was on the bottom.
Years of trying to turn my life into a controllable to-do list left me without much of a life at all.
I feared letting go of my to-do lists because I thought it would make me OUT OF CONTROL.
Yet, my to-do list was getting in the way of my life.
Can you relate?
Are you afraid to let go of your food rules, because you worry you’ll be out of control around food?
Are you afraid to let go of your exercise check-list, because you fear you’ll never move your body again?
Where are you scared to let go of trying to control because you’re afraid you’ll be OUT OF CONTROL?
What if I told you that there is another experience, other than OUT OF CONTROL, available to you?
It’s not a choice between ‘control’ and ‘out of control’ (even though that’s how it can feel!).
It’s a choice between ‘false sense of control’ and ‘true connection.’
What if you let go of your food rules, and embraced connecting with your body’s signals and needs?
What if you let go of your exercise check-list and embraced connecting with the type of movement your body was craving?
What if you let go of your all encompassing to-do list and embraced connecting with your life?
At any moment when you choose to try to control, you can choose to connect instead.
Where in your life do you want to stop forcing control and start feeling connection?
Where would it feel so fulfilling to have a life rather than a to-do list?