This definition of “desire” might not appear in the Oxford Dictionary, but it’s in the Simi Dictionary and it’s what I live by!
Desires are the needs of our soul.
We’ve got needs, wants, and desires:
Needs: what you require! Check our Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (taking me back to my undergrad sociology courses).
Desires: what your soul needs.
So, how do you get what you truly desire?
From where I sit, our desires live deep down beneath our wants.
It will probably come to NO surprise to you — if you hang out with me here often — that we are going to discover them through curiosity. My friend Jamie called me the Queen of Questions 👑 the other day and it’s a title I’ll gladly accept!
Here are some questions to ask your wants so you can discover your desires:
✨ Why is having this (or experiencing this) important to me?
✨ What about this feels meaningful?
✨ What would having (or experiencing) this allow me to feel?
✨ What am I hoping that having (or experience) this would do for me?
Now, let’s explore how these questions work in our real lives!
Scenario 1: You want your body to change, you want to lose weight.
This is a scenario I’ve explored with SO many of my clients over the last decade. It’s also a scenario I explored with myself when I was healing my relationship with my body a decade+ ago.
Why is having this outcome (weight loss) important to me?
Because I want to feel confident. I want to feel lovable. I want to feel accepted. I want to feel like food and exercise doesn’t have to be such a battle — if I lost weight I’d finally be able to eat and move intuitively without feeling like I constantly needed to fix myself.
There’s the desire! What the soul needs: confidence, love, acceptance, and intuitive relationship with food & movement. This gives us something fulfilling and meaningful to work on developing.
Scenario 2: You want all new furniture in your living room.
What would having this new furniture allow me to feel?
I would be able to walk into my house and feel ease, spaciousness, peace. I’d be able to rest and relax because everything would finally be exactly right. It would feel like a reflection of me — my taste, my style.
There’s the desire! What the soul needs: ease, relaxation, authenticity, and to let go of the pressure to be perfect. This gives us something fulfilling and meaningful to work on developing.
Scenario 3: You want to say the perfect thing to your friend.
What about this feels meaningful?
If I could say the perfect thing when my friend shares with me, then she would know how much I care about her. I would be valuable to her as a friend and she would want to continue to be connected. I would be able to ease some of her burden. I would be valuable to our relationship.
There’s the desire! What the soul needs: vulnerability, connection, and accepting your humanness. That gives us something fulfilling and meaningful to work on developing.
I’d love to hear what your soul needs. What you desire! If you give this practice a try, let me know what comes up for you.