In the summer of 2020, I had the incredible experience of completing the Mama Glow doula training program. In the very first class, our mentor Latham Thomas said something that I’ll never forget:
“There is a lot to learn, but there is also a lot to remember. This is more about remembering.”
She was speaking of the truth that there are some things outside of ourselves that we must go out and discover (to learn) but there is also so much inherent wisdom within us that we have the ability to reconnect with (to remember).
My invitation to you today is to start remembering your confidence.
Because so many of us struggle with confidence.
In the workplace alone, studies show that where men and women share in quality and quantity of performance and abilities, men overestimate their performance and abilities while women underestimate their own. Women report much higher rates of feeling undeserving of opportunities and like they are imposters when they get them. Women also report worrying more about being liked, if they are attractive enough, and fear outshining others or grabbing too much attention in the workplace. While men apply for jobs when they meet 60% of the qualifications, women only apply when they meet 100%. There is even research that shows that women’s confidence actually declines with experience.
And this is just at work! Talk to almost any woman about confidence around her body, motherhood, setting boundaries, her life path, relationship status, and more and it will be clear that for many women the confidence challenges are not exclusive to work. (psst, without a doubt: Patriarchal conditioning, diet culture messaging, and more are huge contributors to these statistics).
Women collectively struggle with a lack of confidence because we are lied to about where it comes from.
As women, we receive many (often conflicting) messages about what we need to “do” in order to feel confident. From how to dress to how we should try to make our bodies look to what we should say to how we should live our lives.
SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD.
Many of us spend A LOT of time chasing after these external “shoulds” in hopes that we will finally feel confident.
Only to feel a different version of “I’m not enough.”
Because confidence isn’t something that you can go and get outside of yourself. It’s an inside job. You don’t have to “learn” confidence. Confidence is, as Latham shared, “more about remembering.”
The dictionary defines confidence as “the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something” as well as “the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.”
When you learn to trust yourself and embrace the truth that you are deeply worthy, true confidence flows from there.
You don’t have to go out and “earn” it. It’s already inside of you – all you need to do is tune in.
True unconditional confidence is an INSIDE job.
These questions will help you tap into your unconditional confidence:
How can you trust yourself in this situation?
How can you connect with your inherent worth?
This fireside chat that I got to have last year in my coaching community HELD with Chelsea Connors, my dear friend (who also happens to be an amazing therapist turned life coach) about confidence can help you tap into it, too:
I can’t wait to hear what’s coming up for you around confidence.