Don’t You Dare Tell Me That (The Real Reason I Was Bawling My Eyes Out)

I was late to the To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before party but when I finally arrived I partied hard. I watched every episode of XO Kitty and all three of the movies in record time. During To All The Boys: Always and Forever, [spoiler alert] there’s an amazing scene where Lara Jean takes on New York City with her friends. From a rooftop party to dragging a couch onto the subway, they have a night they’ll never forget. As Lara Jean is overtaken by the energy of NYC, realizing that is where her soul wants to be, I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

Tim looked over at me, laughing a little, “wow… really moving you, huh?”

Unexpectedly (to both of us), I started bawling my eyes out. The scene hit something deep down inside me.

It took me a few minutes to figure out what exactly it hit, but when I got it… I really got it.

“She has her whole life ahead of her. She can dream and go after those dreams. Anything she wants to make happen, she can. I have so much responsibility. I feel like my days of dragging a couch onto a subway and wandering the streets of NYC in the middle of the night are behind me and I’m so sad.”

“You want to drag a couch onto the subway in New York?” Tim asked.

“Not ACTUALLY. But I want to feel excited. I want to feel like I can change. I want to feel like I can have a dream and go after it. I want to feel alive, like I’m really living.”

Sometimes, we need a movie to crack us open so we can put words to those stirrings deep down in our souls. There were dreams in my heart that I wasn’t even acknowledging.

I have a life full of so many blessings and so much love. But, the last few years have been intense and I think there was a heaviness that pulled me down deeper and deeper. I lost track of my spark. I have so much more to say about this but for now, I’ll share that moment, crying in my blue light glasses to Tim with the glare of Netflix lighting up the room, was an “a-ha” for me.

I’ve always loved a coming-of-age story. It’s why I watch Dawson’s Creek and Felicity on repeat when I’m feeling anxious or need a little pick me up. I’m always drawn to stories about high schoolers because I love to see a character at the precipice of their whole life. Everything is ahead, all the possibilities!

Yes, I have a lot of responsibilities – ones I am so thankful to have. But that doesn’t mean I can’t change, grow, evolve. That doesn’t mean I can’t have dreams! That doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot of life ahead that deserves to be really LIVED.

Don’t you dare tell me that only teenagers have their whole life ahead of them.

Don’t you dare tell me that only Lara Jean can have a dream and make it her reality.

Don’t you dare tell yourself that, either.

Heck, I didn’t realize that was subtly telling myself this these last few years.

The next day, I made a commitment to wake up to the rest of my life. I let myself envision what I really wanted. I said my wildest dream out loud. I decided to start making them happen. I am making them happen.

I felt like someone flipped the lights on inside me.

Tim literally said, “You’ve got a brightness about you.”

I want all of us to feel like we can flip the lights on inside, to shine the spotlight on our hopes and dreams! Whether they feel fabulously grandiose or beautifully simple.

A zest for life is not exclusive to the characters in movies or our teenage selves.

They are for us RIGHT NOW.

I see everything you nurture, carry, mother, and hold. That doesn’t mean you can’t also change, grow, evolve, dream, and really LIVE the life ahead of you.

It’s not either/or. It’s BOTH AND.

If you want support flipping on the lights, giving voice to your dreams, and making them your reality, I’m here for you! Applications for my 6-month Private Coaching & Mentorship are open: Learn more details, read past client stories, and request a consult here! 

xo, Sim

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