Last week, an UNMEASURED member sent me this message:
I was so moved when she shared that she is someone who cares about herself and someone who cares for herself.
When you think about someone who cares about + for themselves, who do you think of?
Do you think of you?
If not, and being someone who does feels hard, I’d love to help you process through some of the resistance so you can find more ease, instead.
First, let me give my eternal disclaimer: none of us will ever do this perfectly, 24/7. Never ever. So leave the unrealistic + impossible expectations right here in this little perfectionism trashcan 🗑
Second, let me tell you something I know to be unequivocally true: you are worthy of care.
Sometimes, to see yourself as someone worthy of care, there is some resistance to work through. Working through that resistance isn’t usually a one-and-done thing. It’s an ongoing act of care for yourself to show up in the weeds with yourself!
That’s right! Being someone who “cares for yourself” isn’t all buying yourself flowers (although go for it if you want! 💐).
Let’s get to a slightly less glam (but wildly powerful) form of self care: working through resistance to being someone who cares for and about yourself.
Notice the resistance to the resistance.
I totally understand the impulse to ignore resistance! If we pretend it’s not there… will it go away? 🤞
The answer is no, it won’t. And, not only will it not go away, but even if you try to ignore it, the truth is that you’re still experiencing it.
Notice the positive intention behind the resistance (self protection? preservation? something else?) and thank your past self for building it up. Let that part of you know, “we no longer need this. We are safe to explore this. I’ve got your back — I’m here with you.”
Release the “shoulds” of how this needs to look.
Much of our resistance comes from our inner stories (rooted in “should”). What you are telling yourself that caring for yourself “should” look like may be one of the biggest reasons you feel resistant to it.
Release the rules here, staying open to what you discover.
Acknowledge the judgements (including jealousy) you hold about people who practice “self care.”
You might be surprised at how much comes up for you here. I’d encourage you to grab a pen and jot them all down. These might sound like…
“They disregard community care,” or “they are vain,” or “they are selfish,” or “self care is too expensive,” and the list can go on.
For each of the judgments you jotted down ask yourself…
Can you really know that’s true?
Where did you “learn” that was true?
What else might be true?
What belief would you need to hold to feel safe to care for yourself?
Take a moment to write it down here. If there’s more than one, write them down, too!
Close your eyes and imagine a version of you who holds those beliefs.
What is this version of you doing? How is this version of your speaking to yourself? What boundaries does that version of you have? Who is that person choosing to connect with? How does this version of your show up for yourself, in life? What else do you notice?
Today, I want to encourage you to “try on” that version of you. Revisit those beliefs throughout the day. Give yourself permission to take one or more small steps aligned with what you imagine.
How does that feel? What do you experience?