You probably understand that being connected with yourself is important, but have you ever wondered…

how the heck do I actually do that?

Questions are the answer!

I’m keeping this week’s post short and sweet so you have plenty of time to play around with these questions and apply them in your life today!

Here are 5 questions to ask to connect with yourself today:

1. If I wasn’t afraid of letting anyone down or being judged, what is one thing I’d say ‘no’ to today?
2. If I wasn’t afraid of letting anyone down or being judged, what is one thing I’d say ‘yes’ to today?
3. If I knew my body was more than enough, what’s one way I’d show her some love today?
4. If I wasn’t afraid of being annoying, being a burden, or being seen as a failure, what’s one thing I’d ask for help with today?
5. If I trusted myself, what’s one thing I’d share / express today?

Take a few deep breaths and listen to how you respond.

What’s coming up for you? Comment below. 

There’s a common misconception about intuitive eating: eat whatever you want, the end.

Because of this misconception people often associate intuitive eating with anti-nutrition.

So, is intuitive eating anti-nutrition?

There are 10 principles of intuitive eating. They are:

1. Reject the diet mentality
2. Honor your hunger
3. Make peace with food
4. Challenge the food police
5. Respect your fullness
6. Discover the satisfaction factor
7. Honor your feelings without using food
8. Respect your body
9. Exercise – feel the difference
10. Honor your health with gentle nutrition

Did you catch that tenth principle? Honor your health with gentle nutrition.

So, is intuitive eating anti-nutrition?

The short answer is ‘NO.’

Intuitive eating is PRO gentle nutrition. And PRO health.

In their book Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program That Works, Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch write:

‘Make food choices that honor your health and taste buds while making you feel well. Remember that you do not have to eat perfectly to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or gain weight from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating. It’s what you eat consistently over time that matters – progress not perfection is what counts.’

I love the focus on:

progress > perfection

and the balance of:

health + taste buds + feeling well

I’m back to chat about another one of the core intuitive eating principles and one that can be a bit controversial: honoring your feelings without using food (aka emotional eating).

Emotional eating is eating to avoid, numb out, sooth, or distract from emotions.

Emotional eating can also be when we restrict food for one of those reasons, too.

Do you ever eat (or restrict) to avoid, numb out, sooth, or distract from uncomfortable emotions?

In her book Women, Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything, Geneen Roth says,

‘Imagine not being frightened by any feeling. Imagine knowing that nothing will destroy you. That you are beyond any feeling, any state. Bigger than. Vaster than. That there is no reason to use drugs because anything a drug could do would pale in comparison to knowing who you are. To what you can understand, live, be, just by being with what presents itself to you in the form of the feelings you have…’

I sat with this quote on many occasions when I was learning to honor my feelings without using food.

If you’re up for it, I’d love to invite you to sit with that quote for a moment today, too, as you imagine not being frightened by your feelings, trusting that they won’t destroy you, and understanding that they are a gateway to knowing yourself on a deeper level.

It’s such a simple, powerful truth, right?

You’re safe to feel your feelings.

But man, sometimes feelings feel so scary.

We will keep coming back to the important truth that you’re safe to feel your feelings as we dig into today’s intuitive eating topic.

There can be a lot of shame and guilt wrapped up in emotional eating.

If you take nothing else away from today’s chat, I hope you’ll take this with you: some level of emotional eating is part of a normal, natural, and intuitive relationship with food.

Yes, you heard me!

It’s OK for food to bring you pleasure.

It’s OK for it to bring you comfort.

It’s OK for it to help you celebrate.

It’s OK for it to soothe you.

It’s OK.

You’re OK. 

You’re not a terrible un-intuitive monster if you eat a bowl of mac n’ cheese at the end of a tough day because it reminds you of being a kid and feels cozy.

Intuitive eating is in part about releasing food rules.

So, that last thing I want you to do is create a rule that you’re never allowed to eat emotionally.

In addition to dispelling the guilt and shame surrounding the totally unrealistic idea that you ‘should never emotionally eat,’ I also want to empower you with other, non-food, ways to cope with your emotions, too.

There is really cool opportunity for you to take care of yourself emotionally in ways that have nothing to do with food.

Today we’re going to talk about two ways to do this:

1. proactive self care
2. emotional response

Proactive self care:

These are the ways we care for ourselves day in and day out. They help us to feel cared for, not only physically but also mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. They help us to manage stress, build meaningful and fulfilling lives, and experience overall wellness.

Some of my favorite proactive practices include:

• Eating intuitively – listening to your body’s needs and honoring those on a regular basis
• Moving your body for fun
• Prioritizing relationships with people you care about
• Unplugging from social media on a regular basis
• Rest, including quality sleep and relaxation
• Incorporating play and adventure in daily life
• Engaging in a regular spiritual practice
• Creating boundaries that allow you to minimize overwhelm
• Curate a supportive environment and space (home, work, car, etc)
• Regular emotional processing and support – with a friend, partner, therapist, coach, etc.

This is not an exhaustive list, but rather food for thought as you reflect on the following questions:

How do you proactively care for yourself on a regular basis?

Where is there room to grow for you in this area?

Once you’ve reflected on your proactive self care practices, you can take a look at your emotional response aka how you typically respond to your emotions.

Emotional response:

When you feel something uncomfortable, it can be easy to want to un-feel it as quickly as possible.

But, it’s so important to remember that our feelings aren’t going anywhere – no matter how many brownies we do or don’t eat.

A brownie might give you a momentary break from the feeling but it will be there when you finish waiting to be felt.

This is a great time to remind yourself that you’re safe to feel your feelings.

Some of my favorite emotional responses include:

• asking yourself, ‘what is this uncomfortable feeling I’m having right now?’ and ‘what feels scary about this feeling?’
• create a safe space to feel it (maybe a shower, walk outside, bathroom stall, or under the covers in your bed)
• get it out (cry, breathe, scream, whatever you need to do)
• once you’ve taken the time to emote, process it (journal, pray, talk to a friend, share with a professional you’re working with for emotional support)
• separate feeling from facts — your feelings are valid but they are not necessarily rooted in facts (i.e. you might feel like all your friends hate you when that is not actually the truth)

This is not an exhaustive list, but rather food for thought as you reflect on the following questions:

How do you respond to emotions and care for yourself emotionally in the moment when a difficult or uncomfortable emotion comes up?

Where is there room to grow in this area?

Like Geneen Roth says, your emotions are a way for you to know yourself more deeply, which is pretty dang cool.

After all, you’re worth knowing!

One of the main principles of intuitive eating is ‘respect your fullness.’ 

Do you struggle to stop eating when you’re full?

If so, you’re not alone. 

Not only did this happen to be the principle that I struggled the most with years ago when I was first learning to eat intuitively but it was also one of the topics that comes up most often with clients.

The reason why respecting your fullness and being able to stop eating when you’re full can be so challenging is because it requires you to address a lot of different areas.

It’s not quite as simple as saying, ‘just stop eating when you’re full!’ ​

Being able to stop eating when you’re full requires you to…

• ​feel comfortable eating when you’re hungry, which means eating when you feel hungry regularly
  
• be free from food rules, which means practicing unconditional permission to eat
  
• nourish your body regularly, which means you’re no longer restricting
  
• be able to feel your body’s fulness signals, which means moving away from loads of mealtime distractions so you can tune in to how you feel
  
• eat foods that you enjoy, which means making satisfying and nourishing choices most of the time; and
  
• feel safe to feel feelings, deal with situations, or process emotions that you will have to feel, deal with, or process when you stop eating. 

See? It’s not quite as simple as saying, ‘just stop eating when you’re full!’ Our relationships with food are nuanced.

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself if you’re struggling to stop eating when you’re full:

Do you eat when you’re hungry most of the time?

If you’re not eating when you’re hungry on a regular basis, then stopping when you’re full feels scary because your mind and body don’t trust that you’ll get food again when you need it. It creates a famine mindset. 

Do you have any food rules (i.e. ‘I shouldn’t / can’t eat that food’ or ‘I’m not allowed to eat past X time of the day’ or ‘I have to wait X number of hours between meals’)?

Food rules make it hard for us to stop eating because we don’t feel safe that we can have that particular food again if we want it and / or we don’t feel safe that we can have food in general later if we need it. This promotes the ‘last meal mentality’ where we want to keep eating because it’s our last chance. Food rules are another way the famine mindset can get triggered. 

Are you restricting in any way?

This could mean over exercising, it could mean calorie counting, it could mean eliminating a macro nutrient, it could mean allowing yourself to go hungry, it could mean prohibiting an entire food group. Be honest with yourself here because when you’re experiencing restriction it makes it just about impossible to respect fullness (again, because it triggers the whole famine thing). 

Are you paying attention when you eat?

Are you eating your meals while being pulled in 100 different directions? It’s hard to tune in to your body when you’re being distracted. Make your eating experiences as peaceful and relaxing as possible within your real life. Close your email for 5 minutes, sit down if possible, take a few deep breaths, and practice chewing your food thoroughly. Being present with your food is powerful and essential when you’re learning to respect fullness. After all, how can you stop eating when you’re full if you don’t even realize you’re full in the first place?

Are your meals satisfying and yummy?

When you feel full but not satisfied, it’s hard to stop eating! You want to experience both as often as possible and satisfaction comes when you’re eating a nice variety of foods that you enjoy. 

Do you feel safe to feel your feelings, deal with uncomfortable moments, and / or process your emotions?

Sometimes we keep eating because it distracts us from the things in life we don’t want to deal with. Check in with what emotions, feelings, or situations feel hard for you so you can start to develop the skills, resilience, and self care tools necessary to be present with them. 

Which of these questions resonates most with where you’re currently at in your relationship with food? Comment below and let me know!

Here’s to getting curious!

In October, Tim and I will celebrate 7 years of marriage!

Which means I’m coming up on another 7 year anniversary… 7 years since I broke up with dieting, obsessive exercise, and the constant quest to manipulate and control my body through food and exercise.

It’s almost my 7 year food and body freedom anniversary!

It was almost 7 years ago that I said ‘this is it! I’m meant for more than obsessing over this.’

It was almost 7 years ago that I got the honest, loving support I needed to make an awesome change in my life.

It was almost 7 years ago that I discovered intuitive eating

Not sure exactly what intuitive eating is? It’s a set of healing principles, which you can read all about here, that guide you back to your body’s natural cues and give you the freedom to honor your body without dieting in your relationship with food.

Intuitive eating changed my life. Plain and simple.

Intuitive eating helped me learn how to listen to my body and take care of her without external rules.

Intuitive eating set me free from the guilt, shame, confusion, obsession, rigidity, and restriction of diet culture, diet rules, and an unhealthy obsession with “wellness.”

Intuitive eating has allowed me to experience a deeper level of health – not only physical health but also emotional and mental health as well.

Yet, today, I can tell you that if I’m being 100% honest… I don’t really consider myself to be an intuitive eater anymore. 

So… what do I consider myself?

A natural, normal, human eater.

For me, this was always the deepest desire, dream, wish, and goal.

Intuitive eating was the powerful BRIDGE away from diet culture to this place:

A place where I feel total peace in my relationship with food – whether I’m at home in my kitchen or traveling in a foreign place far away from all my casual comforts.

A place where it is simple and wholly uncomplicated to honor my body with food. 

A place where I don’t think too much about ‘eating when hungry’ or ‘stopping when full’ because it happens most of the time subconsciously.

A place where I eat nourishing foods – most times foods that nourish my body and taste buds…

and definitely some times foods that nourish my soul (like this past weekend, when I ate sugar dusted fried donuts by the water with lovely friends).

A place where rules are replaced with honoring needs, values, and lifestyle.

A place where food is just food

AND ALSO food is what…

brings people I love together around a table,

comforts a crowd in the midst of loss,

fuels our laughter,

allows me to experience a new culture,

allows me to connect with my own heritage,

makes me feel nostalgic,

gives me the energy to show up in the world,

and so much more.

My deepest desire, dream, wish, and goal for all who want it is this: for you too to feel like a natural, normal, human eater.

Today I’m sharing something that’s been on my heart a lot the last few months, and I finally put pen to paper today (well fingers to keyboard, but you get the point).

I used to be obsessed with weight loss. This is no secret and I share so much more about my personal journey here in Letting Go of Leo. 

I thought weighing less meant I’d be: more attractive, more lovable, healthier, and that my entire life would be better.

I connected weight loss and thinness to my worthiness.

I spent 10+ years believing that as the scale went down my value would go up.

It’s no wonder I felt this way, right?

We are bombarded by hundreds of diet-culture messages every. single. day. telling us this. And, we’re bombarded by even more messages from medical professionals, people we know in real life, and people on social media who are reinforcing this message (because they, too, are influenced by diet culture).

Because I put weight loss high up on a pedestal, above most other things in life, I’d always compliment others on their weight loss, too.

The second I saw a friend’s body become smaller, I’d tell her how great she looked. I’d tell her how inspiring she was! I’d tell her she was amazing.

Diet culture taught me smaller = better. I was reinforcing the idea that smaller = better.

And, I was having that same message reinforced by the people around me, too.

I loved the feeling of the compliments I’d receive when I was losing weight. For the split second, the compliment made me feel more loved and more valuable.

Who doesn’t like to feel loved? Who doesn’t love to feel valued?

We all do!

It’s human nature to want to belong (just check out Maslow’s hierarchy of needs).

It took me YEARS of my own healing journey, learning the truths about diet culture, understanding that weight is actually not an effective determination of someone’s health, unpacking the epidemic of disordered eating and body dysmorphia happening in our society, and discovering the other negative impacts that the ‘thin ideal’ can have on us to realize that complimenting someone on her weight loss can actually do more harm than good.

I’m not anti weight loss.

I consider myself weight neutral.

I believe that when you re-learn how to listen to your body and take care of yourself, your body will find her natural set point. For some people, I believe this can mean weight loss. For others it can mean weight gain or minimal to no weight changes.

I also believe that someone’s worth isn’t attached to her weight, no matter how she’s taking care of herself in the present moment.

So, even thought I’m not “anti weight loss,” the following reasons are why you probably won’t find me commenting on yours:

First, your body is none of my business.

Your body and your weight are truly not mine to make comments about. Plain and simple.

Second, bodies change and yours will, too.

We are not robots, we are humans! And yes, we are made to change. I’m made to change. You’re made to change.

Through different seasons of life your body will shift normally and naturally. I don’t want you to feel that you are wrong if your body changes in the future and those changes includes getting larger or gaining weight.

But, I know first hand that when weight loss compliments stop (and they almost always do, either because your body gains weight – which happens in 95%+ of cases of dieting and also can happen through normal body shifts – OR because your body finds her set place and pauses there) that it can feel really hard.

REALLY hard.

I don’t want you to think, “nobody has commented on my body lately. Nobody has told me how great or awesome or amazing I look. Am I not enough?”

Because you are enough.

And, I hear from clients all the time that these thoughts come up for them and it is really hard for them to live in a body that doesn’t get complimented all the time. I went through that same experience myself, too.

It reinforces the thin ideal created by diet culture.

Which brings me to my next reason…

Third, I don’t know what you’re actually going through.

Weight loss doesn’t necessarily mean you’re healthier. It’s not necessarily “positive.”

In fact, some people who are experiencing weight loss are struggling in ways that are not visible on the outside.

They may be restricting food, over exercising, or experiencing fear / isolation / anxiety in their relationship with food. Some are even suffering with an eating disorder.

They may be going through something traumatic like grieving the loss of a loved one, trying to get through a divorce, or experiencing depression or anxiety.

Someone weighing less does NOT necessarily indicate that they are experiencing more health.

When we compliment someone’s weight loss without knowing what they are experiencing we can be unintentionally encouraging them to continue engaging in painful and unhealthy behaviors.

One of the most common reasons why the women who I work with struggle to ditch dieting is because of fear of losing the positive comments they received when they were losing weight.

Lastly, I care about you.

Instead of commenting on your weight I’m working to shift the way society sees and talks about health, weight, and bodies so you can have a more empowering experience.

And, I’m doing my best every day to let you know that you are loved, you are worthy, and you are enough for reasons that have NOTHING to do with your body’s gravitational pull.

I’m about to hop on a plane and fly out West with Oshy Bear! But, before I do, I wanted to share something that came up a lot with my private coaching clients earlier this week.

After a holiday weekend with lots of parties, BBQs, and travel, I had a number of clients share that they found themselves really struggling with food comparison. 

You too?

Do you struggle with comparing what you eat or how much you eat to the people around you?

If your BFF only eats half of her brunch do you feel like you shouldn’t have finished your whole plate? 

If she doesn’t want to go for ice cream after dinner do you tell yourself that you shouldn’t get it either? 

If so, I want to share a super simple question you can ask yourself to help you shift from comparison to self-connection in those moments.

The next time you find yourself comparison what or how much you eat or what you eat to someone you’re with, you can ask yourself…

“What can her choices tell me about MY body?”

The answer: nothing at all.

This is a great reminder to connect back to yourself and check in with your needs, what is feeling good to you, your hunger / fullness, and your satisfaction in the present moment. 

What is your body sharing with you right now?

She knows what’s up!

Today was the first day of construction on our new home addition! I can’t wait to share it with you guys when it’s all done… 6 months from now!

I have no clue if I was zoned out of important conversations, misunderstood, or was simply living in a fantasy land, but I thought we were going to be able to live 24/7 in our home for the entire 6 months with the exception of one week where we had to be out.

I was very wrong.

At our final construction planning meeting a week ago, we learned that we have to be out of our house more or less the entire time.

HELLO OVERWHELM.

I’m sure you have unexpected and overwhelming things in your life as well. Don’t we all?!

I want to share a bit about how I’ve been processing this overwhelming and unexpected situation in hope that it will be supportive for you, too!

First, I let myself have a 1ish minute internal freakout before I take a few deep breaths (but NOBODY BETTER TELL ME TO TAKE A DEEP BREATH, you feel me? I’ll do this on my own THANK YOU).

After my freak out, I try to calm my body language and voice to an “I’m not freaking out” level because I’ve found that when I can relax my body and voice it helps me to process these moments.

As someone who is sensitive to overwhelm, I know that if I start to let my whole self go there (physically, verbally, etc), I find I get really worked up, which is actually NOT helpful for me at all. it doesn’t help me process, move forward, or express myself.

Second, I try to find humor in the situation.

There’s a great Stephen Colbert quote, “If you can laugh, you can think.” Humor always helps me think more clearly!

Third, I try to think of the overwhelming situation as happening for me rather than to me.

This reframe helps me to see the opportunities and the gifts that the situation brings with it.

For me, this current situation is an opportunity to grow in adaptability, flexibility, in taking things day by day, and in trusting in the process.

Fourth, I share with family and a few close friends about my specific fears that are making me feel overwhelmed and I ask for support, help, and encouragement.

Through that process, I identify a logical next step and take that next step.

Once I have that next step, I try not to talk about the overwhelm much more because I know what I need to do to move forward in the process. At that point, revisiting the overwhelm a million more times isn’t helpful to me.

Lastly, I’m intentional about scaling back in other areas during a season of overwhelm. 

I say “no” to things I would typically say “yes” to like extra travel, projects, and social plans.

We only have the capacity to experience so much stress before it starts to negatively affect our health. So, balancing the extra stress of an overwhelming time is incredibly important!

For me, more down time and more space to say “yes” to whatever we need on a day-to-day basis feels good to me.

I hope this process can help you if you’re experiencing some unexpected overwhelm in your life!

Where in your life are you experiencing overwhelm where you can apply part or all of this process? 

When I began eating intuitively, it was so hard when I’d hear about friends who were dieting.

Sure, I could stop reading certain blogs and unfollow all of the diet-y accounts I followed on social media (actually… I didn’t even have social media at the time!) but I loved my friends! I didn’t want to “unfollow” them.

Each time a friend would go on a diet or share about her newest detox, I’d feel myself getting jealous.

I had left dieting behind because of the realities of it:

• Feeling obsessed, distracted, and fearful around food
• Ignoring my body’s hunger signals
• Skipping out on human connection so that I could count everything in my food
• Eating in a restrictive way that was unsustainable and triggered binges
• Determining how I was allowed to feel about myself and what I was allowed to do in my life based on my food choice or the number on the scale
• Living with all or nothing mentality
• Letting the number on the scale be the main indicator of my “health”
• Exercising for calorie or fat burn, regardless of how it made me feel physically or mentally
• Following a plan that was proven to fail in 95% of cases, yet still made me feel like a failure when it didn’t work
• Neglecting mental, physical, and emotional needs in favor of a definition of health that really meant “skinny”

But, there was a small part of me that still hoped for the fantasy of what dieting promised – aka that everything in my life would improve and I would be more lovable if I was smaller.

And it was that part that felt JEALOUS at the thoughts of my friends experiencing that fantasy.

Have you ever felt this post-dieting jealousy?

You’re so not alone in this feeling. Many of my coaching clients experience it. I definitely experienced it.

Here are three steps that helped me move through that jealousy without going back to dieting, so you can feel supported when you feel it, too:

#1 – Separate fantasy and reality

What are your dieting fantasies? And, what was the reality for you when you dieted in the past? You can TRUST that reality.

#2 – Come back to the relationship with food you want to be experiencing

What do you want your relationship to look like? Do you want it to feel relaxed, peaceful, nourishing? Do you want it to feel easy and fun? Something else?

If so, remember that this is NOT what diets allow you to experience. Come back to your heartfelt desire here and honor it with your choices, even if the loved ones around you are making different choices.

#3 – Find a community of people / friends to cheer you on as you ditch diets

It’s 100% ok to be friends with someone who is dieting or who has a different food philosophy from you. I have tons of friends like this! But, it’s also incredibly helpful to find people who get your intuitive eating journey, too.

Have you ever struggled with changes in your body?

The first time I struggled with accepting body changes was my freshman year in high school, when my boobs went from basically non-existent to a size C practically overnight.

I hated it!

I felt so uncomfortable with my ‘new’ body and all I wanted to do was hide. I tried smashing my chest down and masking my boobs in big baggie shirts, but none of that changed how insecure I felt.

Puberty was definitely not the last time I experienced body changes…

Or the last time I felt insecure about them, either.

So, if you’re struggling with changes in your body I just want you to know that you’re not alone.

In the nearly two decades since I was trying to make my boobs disappear, I’ve learned so much about processing changes in my body with self-compassion rather than self-hatred.

Here are five powerful ways to lead with love when your body changes that you can try, too:

#1 – Stop punishing your body for everything she isn’t

This includes wearing clothes that are too tight or trying to make parts of you disappear. Shoving yourself into something that doesn’t fit sends a message to your body that there is something wrong with her.

Give yourself permission to wear clothes that fit. Every body deserves to feel comfortable!

Punishing / negative self talk is another component of this, but it’s a longer conversation for another time (more on that later, I promise).

#2 – Ask your body what she needs

Whatever your size, whatever your shape, you have permission to need things. You don’t need to hide this. Asking your body what she needs is a great way to connect with yourself – physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually.

The simple question, ‘what do you need?’ will help you shift out of judgment and into curiosity.

#3 – Look at your body less and live in it more

Step away from the mirror, step off of the scale, and go do something in your incredible body! Go for a walk, take deep breaths, dance around, hug someone you love.

Living in your body is gratitude in action.

#4 – Intentional expose yourself to size / body diversity (not just your own!)

​Despite what the diet industry would have you believe… the proven way to improve your body image is actually not to lose weight. It’s to expose yourself to images of bodies that are similar or bigger sizes than your own. 

If you only see the ‘ideal’ body being portrayed by the media, you’re not being exposed to body diversity. You naturally begin to associate that ‘ideal’ body with how you should look (and feel terribly about yourself when you don’t). 

We are currently living in the biggest discrepancy between the average woman’s body and the cultural ‘ideal.’​ Research tells us that less than 2% of the population naturally have the ‘ideal’ body being portrayed by the media. 

That means 98+ % of us, myself included, are being exposed to a body type that is not natural for us on a regular basis (cough cough HUNDREDS of images a day). 

But, research also tells us that viewing bodies that are a similar size or larger than our own can help us to not only accept our natural body (which naturally changes throughout life) but also to accept body diversity in general. 

#5 – Affirm that you’re made to change

Remember that bodies are MADE TO CHANGE not to be controlled / manipulated to say the same size or shape.

My body is made to change.

So is yours.

Change isn’t wrong, it’s natural.

Repeat as many times as needed, ‘I’m made to change!‘

Because, you are — and that’s an awesome thing.