Ever feel guilty for choosing something else when you technically could workout? 

Like sleeping an extra hour, grabbing dinner with friends, watching the newest episode of Bachelor, replying to work emails, or baking cookies?

On Sunday afternoon, I had an hour of time to myself and was deciding what to do.

I could have done a workout class or some form of movement.

But, I landed on baking chocolate chip cookies instead. (Psst, these Amazing Almond Flour Chocolate Chip Cookies to be exact. They really are amazing.)

There was a time when that choice to bake rather than move would have left me riddled with guilt.

It probably would have triggered me to binge on the cookies, too.

Can you relate? 

That’s because back then, I saw movement as something I needed to do to control the way my body looked. 

I saw movement as the ‘good’ choice. 

It was a ‘have to.’

But on Sunday, it was truly nothing to pick baking instead of doing some barre or taking a walk.

So, what changed?

My ‘why’ behind movement.

I’ve practiced over and over again shifting from using movement to try to control the outside of me to seeing movement as something that benefits me on the inside:

Like helping me feel relaxed.

Helping me feel less anxious, 

Helping me feel more energized.

And, helping me to feel a bit more connected to myself.

So on Sunday afternoon, when I was really craving something to help me relax, movement was one option to help me get closer to that desired feeling. 

But not the only option. 

Because you know another way I like to relax? BAKING 🍪

And Sunday, I landed on that.

No guilt.

No right v wrong choice.

No fear.

Just two great options for relaxing — moving and baking. And I picked the later.

Focusing on the benefits of movement that go unmeasured has helped me to find more joy and intuition with movement. 

And, it’s also helped me release the guilt and shame when I choose something else instead.

I’ve heard from so many of you that you want more of that joy and intuition in your relationship with movement. And definitely less of that guilt and shame.

I hear you!

Which is why I created the a week-long movement mindset series — 7 days of shifts, reframes, and intentions to help you have a more joyful and intuitive relationship with movement. Join the free 7-day series here. 

We got a fresh blanket of snow last night as we were falling asleep, which meant waking up to a bit of a winter wonderland.

The colder, darker winter has honestly always been one of my favorite times of year.

It’s a reminder to slow down, to be present, to snuggle in, to rest.

When it’s freezing outside, we circle around a fire that offers warmth.

As it becomes dark earlier, the presence of light from twinkling branches or a night sky full of stars becomes undeniable.

I will forever be in awe of this time of year and the way it seems to push me toward hope no matter where I look.

I don’t know what’s going on in your life right now, but I’m guessing there’s at least one challenge that you’re facing.

Perhaps you’re struggling with body changes and it’s feeling extra hard because you’ll be around people you haven’t seen in a while.

Perhaps you’re feeling challenged by family dynamics magnified by holiday gatherings.

Perhaps you’re in a tough financial situation, which feels extra tight because of the desire and / or pressure to gift this time of year.

Perhaps you’re navigating grief and each ornament or song intensifies its depth.

Perhaps it’s a health challenge or overwhelm or something else or all of the above.

Because we are all human and part of the human experience is struggle, I’m guessing there’s at least one challenge (small, large, or something in between) that you’re facing right now.

Take a moment, hands on your heart, to acknowledge what’s feeling hard for you right now. Give a voice to what you’re struggling with. Provide a small safe space to see it, feel it, and say it.

While our circumstances and experiences may be different, our humanness — and therefore human struggle — is something we all share. You’re not alone.

How can you use the reminders of this season…

The warmth in the cold…

the light in the darkness…

the push toward hope…

to help you in your current human moment of challenge?

Perhaps you allow your body changes to be an opportunity to practice appreciating your body for all she does for you rather than putting your worth into how she looks.

Perhaps you allow the tough family dynamics to be an opportunity to articulate loving boundaries with family members so that your inner child can feel cared for and protected.

Perhaps you allow your tighter financial situation to be an opportunity to show love in a different way, by letting those in your life know how much they mean to you.

Perhaps you allow your grief to be an opportunity to begin a deep healing process.

Wishing you warmth, light, and hope. Not instead of struggle or challenge but because of it.

Can you allow the struggle to illuminate the warmth, light, and hope? What does that look like for you currently?

Everything every adult ever told me when I was a kid about time was true! I remember hearing over and over again that ‘time goes more quickly with every year’ and it seems they were right. December is here again!

I love to spend some time each year reflecting back on the past year and setting intentions for the year ahead. Last year I shared about my specific New Year’s Day tradition here in this blog post.

This year, as we finish out a whole decade, I’m taking some extra time to reflect back. Not only on 2019, but this entire decade.

And WHOA can a lot change in ten years!

When I rewind to 2009/2010, I am met with a totally different version of myself. There were many wonderful parts of my life then (living in Chicago, in my first apartment with Tim, loving law school, and surrounded by incredibly amazing friends). And, it was also one of the most painful times in my life: I was at my lowest point in my relationship with myself.

I was struggling incessantly with negative inner dialogue, majorly abusing myself with food and exercise, and tied much of my worth to the number on the scale. There were few (if any) moments when I wasn’t thinking about what I should eat next or how I could ‘make up’ for something I ate that was off limits. I was secretly struggling with binge eating. I was pushing my body to her limit with long runs and super sweaty fitness classes twice a day. Anything that caused me to break one of my food or exercise rules was DEVASTATING for me. Everything got tracked – calories, miles, weigh ins. I’d sometimes skip a law school class or social event to run extra miles just to keep myself from feeling the anxiety that came from having to miss something on my plan. I didn’t talk to anyone about the struggle… I just muscled through it quietly alone.

Even just writing this I get a little chocked up. It’s emotional to think back to that time, especially now that things are so different.

As I wrap up 2019, I can say wholeheartedly that I have found true peace in my relationship to food and with my body.

Reflecting back on the past 10 years, I’m so grateful for the years of incremental growth and all the growing pains along the way. It was all worth it for the self-connection, self-compassion, and self-trust I get to experience today walking into this new decade.

I share so much more about those years of growth + growing pains in Letting Go of Leo: How I Broke Up With Perfection.

So for today, I want to focus on one powerful shift that I learned and that I truly believe can help you enter this new decade with more self-connection, compassion, and trust.

One of the most POWERFUL things that allowed me to experience growth in my relationship with myself has been to change the lens through which I viewed my choices.

Ten years ago, I ignored my personal lived experiences and measured everything against what others said I ‘should’ be doing.

When food rules made me feel obsessive, distracted, disconnected, and binge eating a jar of peanut butter I ignored those experiences because the book or the celebrity or the nutritionist told me those rules were the rules I ‘should’ be following. I repeatedly invalidated what was true for me in favor of what someone else recommended or believed. And, each time I did that, I slowly chipped away at my relationship to myself.

Rebuilding that relationship required me to be curious about what my personal experiences were revealing to me.

Once I started to acknowledge, validate, and trust my personal experiences, I was able to grow and change.

So, as you look back over the last year and / or the last decade, I’d love to offer you this helpful lens to look through as you reflect back: your personal experiences matter.

My hope is that this lens will allow you to more deeply know yourself so you can enter this new decade with more self-connection, self-compassion, and self-trust.

As you look back, ask yourself: what did my personal experience reveal about what’s true for me?

i.e. When you tried dieting, how did that go for you? How did it make you feel? What did you experience? Did they make you feel obsessive or fearful about food? Did they lead you to binge? Did they make you more focused on food and less focused on your life? Something else?

Your personal experiences will reveal SO much truth to you.

Reflect on them.

Acknowledge them.

Trust them.

Then, get curious: what opportunities do I have to do things differently moving forward based on these truths?

As we enter this new year + new decade, there will be many voices telling you what you ‘should’ do. But only you know what’s is true for YOU.

Write them down.

Come back to them.

And let your truths guide you.

Before I share on this very sensitive topic, I want to take a moment to say:

If you’re in the postpartum season after you’ve experienced the loss of your child, my heart aches for you and goes out to you. It’s an unimaginable loss and on top of the healing your body is doing, you are also experience a devastating grief and navigating it all without your baby in your arms. I cannot imagine a deeper pain. This post may be helpful or it may be triggering and I just want to encourage you to follow what feels best for you (i.e. exiting out if it is NOT what you need to read about right now). If you are in the Central Ohio area, my friend Elizabeth started an incredible organization to support those impacted by pregnancy and infant loss: Alive in My Heart.

When I first sat down to write about the topic of postpartum body image, I was three months postpartum with our second child, my daughter Yasmina.

Today, as I sit down to try and finish writing, I’m almost four months postpartum.

I share this because I think it speaks volumes about this wild, messy, and in my opinion fiercely beautiful season of life: plans fly out the window and things take (much) longer than we originally expected – whether it be writing a blog post or just getting out of the house for a walk around the park.

About 100 times a day, I say to myself ‘this, too, is possible if I’m willing to take my time.’ 

Oh my, this time of taking our time. It’s tender, raw, vulnerable, emotional, exhausting, and deeply challenging. It’s splendid. 

Not only are you entirely responsible for keeping a human who is totally dependent on you alive, but you’re also getting to know your child, understanding your shifting identify as a mother, AND your body is doing some major healing under intense circumstances (like hormonal shifts and sleep deprivation).  

It’s also a time of falling in love.

And yet all of this is put at risk and undercut by the ridiculous, unhelpful, unhealthy, and impossible expectations and messaging directed at a new mother’s body.  

There is so much pressure on us to ‘get our bodies back’ after having a baby. Whether the comments come from social media, magazines, or someone in our daily life, it’s easy for those comments and pressure to get soaked up and internalized.

To me, this pressure is the most glaring example of how unrealistic, toxic, unhealthy, and impossible the standards on women’s bodies are in our society, in general, to meet.

It makes me feel sad. It makes me feel furious. It makes me feel frustrated. And it makes me want to continue working to change the narrative.

Because, what happens in our bodies + minds when we feel that our bodies need fixed? When we feel that we are somehow failing? Or a mistake? Or falling short?

We disconnect from the present moment and become instantly distracted by how we can ‘fix’ ourselves. If we aren’t actively engaging in the ‘fixing’ then we feel shame. If we are trying to ‘fix,’ we are often engaging in ‘solutions’ that are restrictive and dangerous (especially in a season where our body needs so much nourishment to heal, recover, and care for our babies).

On the flipside, when we feel safe and at home in our bodies we are able to be here in them now. This creates more connection to our needs (physical, emotional, social, mental, spiritual) AND to our babies.

For a moment, I want you to imagine two different scenarios:

I want you to imagine an interaction with your child when you feel that your body is something to be ashamed of. How do you feel? How do you act? What comes up for you? How do you view the child? What words do you use?

And, I want you to imagine an interaction with your child when you feel your body is exactly as she is meant to be.

How does it change?

Today, I want to offer you some strategies and shifts to help you experience more of the latter in a world that would have all of us buying into the former.  

If you’re struggling with body changes that you’re experiencing during the postpartum season, I hope this will bring you some encouragement. Let’s dive in!

What does ‘postpartum’ mean?

The postpartum period has three general phases: the hours directly following childbirth; the weeks following childbirth; and up to six months after childbirth.

Change is normal, natural, and (dare I say) beautiful

First, body changes are a normal, natural, and (dare I say) beautiful part of living in a body in this life. And, of the process of growing + birthing a child.

For a moment, let’s look at a short list of things that are likely to happen in your body during pregnancy:

• Your body is naturally growing, stretching, and expanding (to make room for a growing, stretching, expanding human life)
• Your body is adapting rapidly to change during this time (thank you, dear body)
• Hormones are fluctuating
• Metabolism is increasing
• Immunity is lowered
• The uterus expands up to 20 times it’s normal size
• Your cervix changes
• The size of your rib cage increases
• Oxygen use increased
• Heart rate increases
• You gain weight
• Your belly expands   
• Your hips widen
• Your intestine, organs, and stomach are displaced
• Blood flow increases and blood plasma increases in volume up to 50% so you’ve got reserves for birth + for your growing reproductive organs (THE BODY IS AMAZING)

Each body and pregnancy is unique, but these are some pretty standard examples of changes that happen. Is it even possible to fathom that our bodies would be the same after all this? Change seems pretty necessary, right?

Review this list and if you feel inclined, write down any other changes you experienced that come to mind to make the list feel like yours.

Really reflect on your list and remind yourself, ‘Change is part of pregnancy. Change is essential to pregnancy. My body is made to change. My body is meant to change. My body is marvelous at changing. Thank you body for changing.’

There is a popular narrative that babies don’t have to change anything – your body, your life. In my opinion, this is harmful to new moms in more ways than one.

Our bodies will change during and after pregnancy. They are meant to.

Having children will also change our lives. It’s meant to.

Rather than trying to avoid or erase change, what if we talked about how we can embrace it? Navigate it? Welcome it?

Compassion, grace, forgiveness, repeat

Change can be uncomfortable. Motherhood can be challenging.

Can you be gentle with yourself?

When you find yourself missing how your body used to feel or look, can you let yourself feel those feelings? Can you hold space for those thoughts + feelings without making it mean your current body is a problem?

When you feel exhausted and like you’re in the middle of a chaotic tornado (this can’t be just me, right?) can you practice grace for yourself? Can you remind yourself that controlling your food won’t make these chaotic moments disappear?

When you mess something up because this is all so new and overwhelming, can you offer yourself forgiveness?

Can you acknowledge that you’re learning and growing and dang those growing pains can be tough! But look at you! As my husband would say, ‘You’re really doing it!!’ This is his signature line – give it a try. It’s not only true but VERY helpful.

Compassion. Grace. Forgiveness. REPEAT.

Edit accordingly

If there are pants that are too tight or an account on Instagram that makes you feel like your body is a mistake, I’d love to encourage you to let it go.

I don’t care if they are cute pants. I don’t care if it’s a lovely person. Right now, it’s ok to say ‘this isn’t helpful to me right now.’

Pack the pants up, unfollow that person, do what you need to do. Edit accordingly.

Same goes with newsletters, magazines, TV shows, podcasts, books, etc.

Oh my oh my oh my this time is such a sweet, sensitive, fleeting time. Does it not just feel like your heart has been removed from your body + attached on the outside… so vulnerable, so exposed? It requires extra protection.

There is no energetic space for stomach squeezing pants or a voice that steals you away from this season.

Edit the ‘noise’ accordingly.

Add in a pair of breezy pants. Add in a nurturing voice.

Or, even better (in my opinion)… NO PANTS AND NO SOCIAL MEDIA. That’s my personal favorite.

Take care of the basics

You know what makes anything in life a smidge easier to navigate?

Eating regularly. Asking for help when you can. Stripping down for some skin to skin baby snuggles. Drinking water. Enjoying every sip of that coffee. Deeply breathing. And taking some more deep breaths.

I would add sleep to this list, but when I had my son Alyosha my doula gave me the world’s best advice: ‘don’t pray for him to sleep through the night. Pray to find joy in the nighttime feeds.’

So, while sleep might not be an option, I wish you little glimmers of joy in the sleepless nights!

And give the mental middle finger to any message that tells you that your life growing + giving body is something to feel ashamed of.

Write your own body narrative

Your body is not wrong. Your body is not ruined. Your body is not a disgrace. Your body is not awful. Your body is not lost.

Rather than asking how we can get back a body that we never lost, what if we talked about who is benefiting from us believing that is what we should be doing in the first place?

The diet industry is a multi-billion dollar industry that makes it’s money off of convincing people that their bodies need fixing – in the name of beauty, in the name of health, in the name of worth.

What if we wrote our own body narrative rather than letting them write it for us? I’d say a generation of humans (and our children) would benefit from that.

One of the most powerful things I’ve done during and after my pregnancies is to pick the words that I want to meditate on around my body.

Postpartum with Yasmina, my words have been ‘safe, soft, home.’

‘My body is a safe, soft home.’

Grab a pen and paper and jot down some words that feel neutral or even positive about your body today.

Close your eyes. Deep breaths. Meditate on the truth of those words.

Can you find some gratitude for your body in the midst of this very personal narrative?

And, when someone else tries to narrate your body for you, ask… ‘who benefits from me buying into this narrative?’ then come back to YOUR truth.

My body is a soft, safe home.

How do you choose to connect to your body today?

Sending you so much love.

P.S. There is a whole other conversation to be had here about the lack of postpartum support for parents in our country but one that I think is woven deeply into the way we view, care for, and value mothers.

P.P.S. If you feel you’re struggling with feelings of anxiety or depression, talk to your doctor as soon as you can. You’re not alone.  

P.P.P.S. If someone you know is pregnant or had a baby, I’d urge you NOT to comment on her body. Can you find something else to compliment or discuss instead?

There’s a common misconception that intuitive eating is anti-nutrition (and sometimes even anti-health). Not true!

Intuitive eating is pro nutrition and pro health — for everybody and every body.

In fact, gentle nutrition is one of the 10 core principles of Intuitive Eating.

As a quick refresher, the 10 principles of intuitive eating are:

1. Reject the diet mentality
2. Honor your hunger
3. Make peace with food
4. Challenge the food police
5. Respect your fullness
6. Discover the satisfaction factor
7. Honor your feelings without using food
8. Respect your body
9. Exercise – feel the difference
10. Honor your health with gentle nutrition

See? #10 = Honor your health with gentle nutrition.

It’s not a mistake that the nutrition-focused principle of intuitive eating comes last.

Which is why before we talk about incorporating gentle nutrition, there has to be healing.

And that’s the key here in responding to this week’s awesome question… your relationship with food really needs to be healed (and that healing is so beautifully supported practicing those other principles) first unless there is something extreme medically going on that requires nutritional therapy, etc.

Check in with yourself and ask…

Is there any guilt in your relationship with food? Any lingering rules or diet related stress?

If so, that’s ok! Anytime there is any guilt, it’s a chance to heal thoughts + beliefs. Keep working on that piece of the puzzle before you move on. Once that is consistent, you can start to layer in gentle nutrition!

Once you really do feel your relationship with food has come to a place of healing, freedom, and peace, then you can start to ask yourself…

How do YOU want to approach gentle nutrition? What does eating nutritionally well mean to you?

Does it mean more fresh foods, like fruit and veggies? Does it mean you make more of an effort to incorporate a variety of foods? Does it mean more home cooking? Something else?

Really get curious with what it means to you.

I know that diet culture can make nutrition feel VERY complex and VERY overwhelming.

The truth is, eating nutritionally well or ‘gentle nutrition’ can be extremely simple.

‘Gentle nutrition’ is the bow on the package of the intuitive eating principles, tying them all together. This principle is about honoring your health AND how you feel AND your taste buds.

It’s also about letting go of the idea that we need to eat ‘perfectly’ to feel well or to invest in our overall health.

Within your budget and in a way that works for your lifestyle (two very important points), some helpful things to consider are:

• Adding in foods that feel good to your body
• Listening to how things make your body feel – tune in to its messages
• Gently honor your hunger and fullness, no counting or measuring needed
• Embrace a variety of foods that help you to feel satisfied
• Let food enhance your life rather than distract you from it
• Food is one of many ways we can take care of ourselves but not the only way 
• Nutrition is one chapter in the book, not the whole story
• Be mindful of mental and emotional health as well – broadening your definition of wellness
• The choices you’re making regularly rather than occasionally
• Variety and balance of macro nutrients (fat, protein, carbs) – variety is so important for adequate nutrition!
• Exploring fruits and veggies
• Experimenting with home cooking if possible
• Balancing blood sugar 
• Eating regularly

Then, check in with how you enjoy eating the things you want to incorporate!

Let’s just got with the fruit + veggies example here for a second.

If you want to eat more fruits and veggies…

Which ones do you love? What makes eating them feel more fun — is it the farmer’s market? Is it having them washed and ready at the start of the week so they are easy to grab on the go? Is it preparing them a certain way, like drizzling on a delicious salad dressing or cooking them in satiating fats?

As you’re experimenting with putting these ideas into practice, always come back to how they’re making you feel — in your body and in your life. 

How do these choices make you feel physically? Do they contribute to your satisfaction? Are they realistic in your real life (budget, lifestyle, etc)?

It’s important to discover what it’s true for YOU.

In this specific reader question, she also touched on the idea of eating less gluten + dairy because she shared they don’t make her feel her best.

So, the last thing I want to address here is what to do when something doesn’t feel good to your body.

I’ve mentioned this before in blog posts, but the longer you’ve been restrictive with your eating the more likely you are to experience digestive distress. It is very normal for it to take some time for digestion to heal. More on that here in this post.

Intuitive eating often requires time and patience, while we learn how to connect to our bodies and give them the nurturing they need to heal.

With that said, if you’re noticing some serious distress from certain foods — like gluten — I’d strongly encourage you to be tested for allergies and have a Celiac disease biopsy. As someone with Celiac disease, I know how awful it is to struggle with the digestive distress that comes with that!

Explore this is you’re really noticing distress.

It’s also very important to be cognizant of the impact of diet culture messaging (i.e. if we always hear that gluten is ‘the devil’ and then we feel guilt when we eat it, it can be common to then experience distress — which is something I chat about more here).

Check in with the experiences of your body. Check in with your thoughts around the particular foods.

What is your body telling you? And how do your body’s messages feel different than reactions to diet culture messaging?

These questions are incredibly important for us to ask ourselves to avoid unnecessary elimination or restriction.

And, if you discover that you don’t have a life threatening allergy or something like Celiac disease but you do notice that you have a slight intolerance to a food (i.e. gluten) ask yourself:

What does freedom with that food looks like for you? How can you be flexible and free in this area — honoring your quality of life AND your body?

Does it look like enjoying gluten free bread at home and when it’s available at restaurants, but not stressing if it’s not an option? Does it look like something different? How do these choices impact your quality of life?

Check in with how you feel AND with how it is impacting your quality of life.

Health is not about ‘eating perfectly.’

It’s about mental, emotional, social, and physical wellbeing and stressful, isolated, and restrictive food practices can be more damaging to that than many of the foods we’ve been taught fear.

I always come back to this quote from the book Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program That Works:

‘Make food choices that honor your health and taste buds while making you feel well. Remember that you do not have to eat perfectly to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or gain weight from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating. It’s what you eat consistently over time that matters – progress not perfection is what counts.’

I love the focus on:

progress > perfection

and the balance of:

health + taste buds + feeling well

And above all, be so gentle with yourself.

Are you trying to eat intuitively but the ‘unconditional permission to eat’ part makes you feel terrified?

Oh my gosh, do I hear you! I was so so (sooooooooo) scared to let go of my food rules and give myself full permission to eat the things I’d thought of as ‘bad’ for so long.

If you’re in this phase of intuitive eating and you’re working on eating foods you’ve had rules or fears around, then it’s probably going to feel pretty scary to do things differently.

I love to help you make an already inherently scary thing feel more safe and supported.

By creating more positive interactions and experiences with these ‘off limits’ foods that you’re practicing permission with, you can rewrite the stories you have about these foods and reframe what you’ve been making eating these foods mean about you.

Today, I want to offer you something that can help you do this with unconditional permission to eat. 

Pick a food or type of food that you want to practice permission with (psst: you don’t have to create unconditional permission to eat with every single food all at once. You can go slowly and take your time. There’s no rush to the finish line)…

And, practice eating that food WITH other foods as part of a meal.

This allows you to feel more full AND satisfied.

Let’s use potato chips as an example.

It’s normal for anyone who is hungry and who sits down with only a huge bag of potato chips to eat most, if not all, of the bag.

If I’m really hungry and the only thing I have is a family size bag of potato chips, I’m probably going to eat them all! Because, like I mentioned, I’m hungry.

But, for someone who is trying to create a positive experience with a food that’s been previously off limits, sitting down and eating an entire big bag of potato chips reinforces stories like:

1. I shouldn’t eat potato chips because once I start I can’t stop them; and / or
2. I can’t let myself eat potato chips because they don’t make me feel good.

So the experience plays into continual fear of that food. 

But, if you practice eating the food you’re trying to create freedom with (i.e. chips) in the context of a meal…

Like a turkey sandwich with lettuce, tomato, mayo, avocado, and pickles and some apple slices AND SOME CHIPS…

Then it’s going to way more likely that you’ll walk away from that interaction with the chips feeling full, satisfied, nourished and having had a positive experience.

Every one of those positive experiences allows you to change the stories you are telling yourself about certain foods and also allows you to build up trust in your relationship with your body.

So, if you’re in this phase of unconditional permission to eat and feeling terrified, I’d really encourage you to try this.

It’s a way to make a scary situation feel more safe and supported — which is vital to create the positive experiences you need to help you re-write those inner narratives and reframe those meanings so you can keep growing.

If you’re on your intuitive eating journey and you’re looking for practical support and genuine, compassionate encouragement, I’d absolutely LOVE to have you join me in Well & BEING this summer (you can read more details + join this take-with-you-anywhere membership here).

Well & BEING is your 3-month mini membership to help you get grounded and feel more at home in your body this summer.

Imagine what it would be like to spend 3 months creating continued connection, quality time, and growth in your relationship with yourself. And, if this summer, rather than feeling like you’re waging war against your body you spent a few minutes every day getting closer and closer to finally feeling at home in your own skin.

That’s what Well & BEING will help you to experience.

From June through August, Well & BEING provides you with simple, flexible support you can take anywhere. Daily digestible nuggets you can apply to your everyday to help you:

• Eat more intuitively (even when the summertime diet pressure is high)
• Practice unconditional respect and kindness toward your body (yes, that means even on days when you don’t ‘feel in love’ with your reflection)
• Say ‘yes’ to your life in your body just as she is today
• Enjoy a more joyful relationship with movement
• Care for your whole self — not just what’s on the outside
• Create continued connection, quality time, and growth in your relationship with yourself
• Feel more at home in your own skin

You can find details + join here!

This summer, I’d love to help you experience:

• More food freedom
• More body trust
• More self connection
• More presence in her life this summer

Whether you’re new to intuitive eating and are looking to ditch diets for the very first time OR you’re farther along in your journey and are looking for some continued encouragement in these warm-weather months… this mini membership is for you.

If this is the kind of guidance you’re looking for this summer, here’s where you can join me for Well & BEING.

Doors close in less than two weeks and I don’t want you to miss this opportunity!

Movement is something that’s been on my mind majorly these past few months…

Probably because I’m working on something brand new — and all about movement — to bring you toward the end of 2019 (eek! I can’t wait). 

So, let’s talk about movement today:

What does your relationship with movement / exercise look like?

Do you enjoy it?

Is it something you feel obligated to do?

Does it create stress in your life?

Help you relieve stress?

Take a moment to really think about your relationship with movement — what does it look like on the outside? How does it feel to you on the inside?

My relationship with movement is one that started with feeling like I wasn’t very ‘good’ at it.

Growing up, I wasn’t a ‘natural’ at any sports and I wasn’t at all motivated by the competitive nature of athletics (if anything, it was UN-motivating to me). I avoided more traditional sports in my early years until it became more central to social life in middle and high school. Then, I played sports as a way to hang out with my friends and to feel like I was part of a group.

By ‘played’ I mean I mostly (1) had two hour long anxiety attacks (which everyone else called practice) where I felt like the one who wasn’t good enough and (2) sat on the bench for a lot of our games (which is where I preferred to be haha).

I once scored a goal at a soccer game (my only one!) when a ball accidentally ricocheted off my foot while I was running and magically went right in! That was a special night because my dad was at that game and he was a soccer fanatic. I like to think it was God throwing me a bone 😉

When I got to college, I had a basically non-existent relationship with movement. At that time, I thought that moving my body (even on long walks) was for people who were athletic. Since that wasn’t me, I mostly avoided it (with the exception of a hilarious Carmen Electra striptease workout video I’d sometimes make my friends do with me on a weekend night — sorry guys! But you have to admit it was ridiculously funny…)

After gaining some weight during my freshman year, I felt really unhappy in my own skin. My body image was something I’d struggled with off and on for years, and this was a big trigger. My clothes didn’t fit, I was uncomfortable with what I saw in pictures, and I felt out of control.

It was then that I started running with some friends. Everything in my relationship with movement changed when I started running.

At first, running was so hard and I was slow… but I was also hooked. My lungs would burn, my legs felt heavy, but at the end of every run I had a feeling of accomplishment. I did it! It made me feel like a superhero — like I could do something I never believed would be possible for me.

So I did it more. And then some more. And then some more.

And my body started to change. The clothes that didn’t fit before suddenly did again. And with that, running was no longer something that made me feel a sense of accomplishment, but a way that I felt like I could CONTROL my body — something that had felt uncontrollable before. Something I had struggled with for so long.

So I did it more. And then some more. And then some more.

And, training for half marathons turned into marathons, which turned into training plans that took over my life (my mind, my attention, my energy, and my time).

I’d feel devastated if I ever had to miss a workout. I schedule my life around workouts. And, I was always looking for ways to do more.

This went on and on for years.

I talk so much more in depth with all of the above experiences way more in Letting Go of Leo: How I Broke Up With Perfection.

But, for the purposes of this email, I’ll just say: what started as a healthy exploration of running turned into an obsessive and incredibly unhealthy relationship with it. 

During that time, challenging myself in my relationship with movement ALWAYS meant: harder, faster, more. 

It took work and time to heal my relationship with movement. 

I took intentional and extended rests from running. I did lots of body image work. I tried new ways of moving and found things I love that also feel so good to my body (hey barre + long walks!). And I learned how to reframe what ‘challenge’ meant and looked like for me when it came to movement. ​

Slowly but surely my relationship with movement shifted in so many cool ways, and today:

• movement is one of many ways — not the only way — I care for myself;
• movement is a way I connect with my body (rather than trying to control her);
• movement is FUN;
• rest is seen as a necessary and enjoyable compliment to movement; and
• there are no movement rules, no guilt, no shoulds — my relationship with it is open and flexible.

If you’re in the place where you feel like the only way to feel challenged is to push harder, go faster, or do more — and it’s feeling exhausting, obsessive, or isolating — I’d love to share how to reframe the way you think about ‘challenging’ yourself with movement. 

​I love to reframe challenging myself with movement from ‘more, more, more’ to… 

Seizing an opportunity for GROWTH in a direction that feels meaningful. ​

Where do you want to grow right now in your relationship with movement? 

Do you need to get more comfortable with rest? 

Would it feel good to seek out more fun? More joy? More play? 

What about practicing more flexibility? 

Or letting go of rigid rules? 

Is it time to untangle your sense of self worth from how many hours you spent at the gym, how many calories you burned, or what your heart rate monitor said?

Or, is it time to carve out a little more time to move because your body is craving it? 

Would it be brave + loving to give yourself permission to modify in a class because it’s more supportive of what your body needs today?

Do you want to try something new and get out of your comfort zone? 

Or perhaps your workouts feel great physically but, if you’re honest, it’s your self talk that could use some growing?

THIS right here is the powerful + positive reframe: a reframe to GROWTH in a meaningful direction. 

Challenging yourself in your workout doesn’t always have to mean harder, faster, or more. 

In fact, for so many people, TRUE CHALLENGE (aka real growth) often means shifting from always trying to ‘do more’ to being truly present with yourself and discovering that ‘less’ or ‘different’ might be the answer, instead. 

A shift from control to connection — one of the most powerful shifts of all.

What do you really need in your relationship with movement? Is it more, more, more? Or is it something else?​

Take some time to be with yourself and really listen to the answer that comes up for you. 

The idea of attachment has been in my mind a lot lately. 

For the past few months, my BFF has been sharing with me a bunch of takeaways from Super Soul Sunday where Oprah Winfrey interviews Eckhart Tolle about his book A New Earth.

I kept loving what she was sharing with me so I downloaded the book on Audible and have been listening to it every moment — from solo car rides to coffee shop walks — I can. 

So far in the book, Tolle talks a lot about attachment and how we attach to external things as a way to try to form our inner identity. 

In the book’s chapter titled ‘The Lost Ring’ he shares a story of a past client who was given only a few months left to live after a cancer diagnosis. On one of Tolle’s visits to see her, she shared that her very special diamond ring had gone missing.

She thought it had been stolen by a caregiver and was very upset and defensive about the situation.

In response, Tolle asked her a series of questions, which I want to share with you today:

• Do you realize you’ll have to let go of the ring at some point (perhaps quite soon)?
• How much more time to you need before you’ll be ready to let go of it?
• Will you become less when you let go of it?
• Has who you are become diminished by the loss?

Rather than replying instantly, he encouraged her to find the answers within herself.

While I haven’t agreed with or resonated with everything in the book so far (<– just a note that we can still learn SO much from a book or experience even if we don’t love / agree with / connect with / resonate with every single second of it), I was especially touched by this chapter. 

Specially, I found his questions to be incredibly powerful. 

I found myself crying in my car thinking of all the ‘rings’ that I’ve had in my life. Whether they been the idea of an ‘ideal’ or ‘unchanging’ body, the ‘perfect’ diet, what others think of me (or what I perceive them to think of me), and the list goes on and on. 

I was very attached to these external things. More than that, who I believed I was felt VERY intertwined with these concepts. 

At first, letting go of those ideas made me feel like I was ‘less.’ But, when I took the time to go within I realized that none of those concepts ever had or ever could define me. ​

While listening to the book, I found myself crying a little but as he read these questions. It just brought me back to that place where my inner sense of self worth had been so attached to something external. 

Do you find yourself struggling with attaching your worth and enoughness to something outside yourself (i.e. a ‘ring’ or sorts)?

If so, I hope Tolle’s questions will help you reflect more deeply on that feeling. 

And, like he shares in A New Earth, I hope that you’ll look for the answers within yourself rather than feeling the need to reply instantly. 

Last week, temps hit 70 and sunny in Columbus, OH — it felt almost tropical!

So, Osh and I took full advantage by spending the afternoon outside barefoot and barelegged. It was LOVELY and definitely got me excited for warmer months ahead. I thought of late evening BBQs, play dates at the pool, and easy breezy dresses.

I also realized that my present excitement was in stark contrast to how I used to feel at the first sign of warmer weather: which was a panicked pressure to lose weight for the many events of summer (from weddings to beach vacations).

I felt the impending doom of needing to be ‘bikini ready’ closing in on me.

For years and years, anytime I’d have an upcoming event — summertime or not — I’d plot how I could lose as much weight as possible in time for the big day. Whether it was a pool party with friends, a beach vacation with family, a wedding I was attending as a guest, and even my very own wedding.

More on that here.

I’d spend the months, weeks, and days pressuring myself to get as small as possible in time for whatever impending experience was on my calendar. I’d follow different food plans (many times mixing them for what I thought would provide maximum results) and working out as intensely and consistently as possible.

I’d think about how my body would measure up next to others. I’d worry about what people would think about how I looked. I feared the shame, discomfort, and overall crappy-ness I’d feel when I had to look at yet another picture where I hated the way I’d look.

I’d sacrifice MONTHS of my life to these damaging patterns in the hopes that I’d feel OK for a single day. 

I believed that if I could just lose X pounds by the event or make my body look like Y in time for the big day, I would be safe from all of it: the comparison, the judgment, the feelings of failure.

You know what I learned from years and years of that?

It’s EXHAUSTING.

It never helped me have more fun, feel more present, or connect with the experience. And, my intense body manipulation tactics always backfired — through yo yo’ing weight, binge eating, food fixation / obsession, and continued participation in toxic diet culture.

You know what I’ve learned since healing my relationship with food + my body and making it my mission to help others do the same? That I was NOT the only one who feared the comparison, judgment, and feelings of failure.

In fact, it’s an epidemic that so many of us experience!

Last week, I checked in with you on Instagram and asked for you to share the specific body fears or pressures you were experiencing in relation to upcoming events so that I could best support you.

A flood of brave, vulnerable, and honest responses came through, and I hear you loud and clear.

Here were the main themes:

• Fear of judgment over body changes (i.e. pregnancy, postpartum, eating disorder recovery, etc) — the fear that because your body looks different than it used to that people will be judging those changes (judged by others + yourself)
• Fear of comparison with other bodies around you (i.e. bachelorette parties, wedding bridesmaids, group vacations) — the fear that if your body isn’t the smallest in the group or is larger and / or different from the others you’d be with that you could be judged / criticized via comparison (judged by others + by yourself)
• Fear that your body would make other people feel uncomfortable (i.e. cellulite, rolls, softness) — the fear that by simply existing in a body that doesn’t look like an airbrushed magazine model that others will be troubled
• Fear that you will hate seeing yourself in photos (i.e. multiple women shared concerns that their bodies were not ‘instagramable’, ‘instagram-worthy’, etc.) — the fear that your body is not good enough and that you’ll have to relive that not enoughness over and over again through pictures.

Let’s not rush past these fears quite yet. Let’s take a minute to sit with them.

First — have you ever experienced any or all of these fears? Are any of them feeling real for you right now?

Without judgment or the need to ‘fix’ the fear, simply acknowledge which ones are ringing true for you in this moment.

Second — I want you to think about the many many women who submitted responses to my question on Instagram.

I want you to imagine that a handful of those women are women who you love. Maybe your best friends, sisters, daughter, or your mom. Pick a few of the women who you love so deeply and fiercely and hold them in your mind right now.

Imagine them sitting on the other side of their phones feeling these fears. Looking at their calendars — at an upcoming bachelorette party, wedding, or beach vacation — and feeling that who they are right now is not safe or worthy of having that enjoyable experience.

Imagine they will spend the next days, weeks, or months trying to ‘fix’ themselves. To obsess over their food. To punish their bodies with exercise. To feel like a failure if they eat the ‘wrong’ thing. To panic that they haven’t done enough when the event finally comes. To be physically at the event, but mentally distracted wondering… what are people thinking of me?To be disgusted when they see a photo the following week as they pick their bodies apart.

Imagine that reality for these women who you love.

What comes up for you? What do you want to say to these women who you love fiercely? What do you want them to TRULY AND DEEPLY KNOW?

Pause and write it down. Write it all down.

Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do when it comes to body image triggers is to take ourselves out of the equation so we can connect back to our compassionate side. I consider compassion to be both kind AND honest — often much easier to practice with someone else than toward ourselves.

These compassionate truths you spoke when thinking of your friends are true for you, too.

Third — I’d love to share some reflective questions that I know can be incredibly powerful in navigating the pressure to lose weight for an event (even if that ‘big event’ is the warmer temps in general). Here they are…

• Reflect on the truth of your past experiences with intentional weight loss.
• What were your past experiences with intentional weight loss actually like for you?
• What did it cost you in the months, weeks, days of trying to lose weight (those times leading up to an event)? Be honest about what these experiences were like for you in the past.
• What was your reality like after the event? What happened in your relationship to yourself, with food, movement, etc?
• What opens up for you when you’re NOT intentionally pursuing weight loss? How might the next months, weeks, and days be different for you if you shifted your focus?
• What do you GAIN if you’re not intentionally trying to lose?
• If you weren’t focusing on body comparison or judgment at this upcoming ‘event,’ what would you be free to focus on instead? For this event or experience to be most fulfilling and meaningful, what would you be focus on?
• What if you accepted that your current body is the body you’re going to this event in — what would it look like to embrace and enjoy this experience in the body you’re in today?

Lastly — here are some truths I want to remind you of, today and always:

Our bodies are made to change.

You body. My body. They will, they are, and they do! Your body expands and contracts, which allows you to experience so much of life: from healing to grieving to exploring to giving life and beyond. Think of all the ways your body has supported you and shifted to create space when you needed it most.

It’s ok to not be 100% ok with every part of your body.

Yes, you heard me right. This idea that we have to be obsessed with every inch of our bodies all the time keeps us hooked into diet culture because there is ALWAYS something to be fixed.

It’s not your body’s job to make other people feel comfortable.

It’s not your body’s job to be responsible for all the fun, joy, presence, fulfillment, and excitement you have in your life.

Many of the behaviors, inner thoughts, and habits we develop to try to get ‘event ready’ actually detract from health and long-term healthy habits.

Self care that prioritizes your personal values and allows you to show up more fully in your life (rather than feeling distracted or isolated) are much more healthy and sustainable than any extreme things we do to get an ‘Instagram-worthy’ body.

Speaking of Instagram-worthy bodies… nobody loves every single picture they see of themselves.

You’re not alone!

You’re not alone! It’s ok not to love every single photo. Ask yourself ‘how helpful it is to sit there picking myself apart?’ if the answer is ‘not very,’ then close the screen and go do something that feels more valuable to you.

It’s not your body’s job to get more ‘likes’ on Instagram.

Your worth has nothing to do with how many likes you get on Instagram…despite what the algorithm would have us believe ;).

You deserve to say ‘yes’ to the things that light you up right now.

Not in 10 pounds, not when that dress that used to fit does again, not when you follow your meal plan perfectly.

Right now.

Every body can wear shorts.

Every body can wear a tank top. Every body can wear a swimsuit.

You are enough.

You are enough. You’re not too much. You are enough.

This summer, I hope you’ll spend less time looking at your body and more time living in it.

What can you do today to help you feel connected to yourself and more present in your life?

One of the things I work with clients on is helping them to see and acknowledge the positive intention behind their behaviors — yes, even behaviors that feel negative, yucky, or self-sabotaging.

Even behaviors they are deeply invested in changing.

When we develop behaviors, actions, coping mechanism, habits, or patterns, we do so because of a positive intention.

Think of something you’re doing in your life that is feeling negative, yucky, or like it’s self-sabotaging.

Perhaps it’s continuing to try ‘one more diet’ over and over again.

Perhaps it’s creating ridiculously high expectations around movement that either (1) leave you feeling totally burnt out or (2) keep you from moving at all because you couldn’t possibly live up to the expectations.

Perhaps it’s making certain foods off limits only to find yourself obsessing over that food 24/7 and feeling out of control when you finally get your hands on it.

Perhaps it’s beating yourself up over what you’re assuming others might think of you.

Perhaps it’s comparing your life to strangers on the internet day in and day out.

Perhaps it’s missing out on certain experiences in your life because you think your body should be smaller before you allow yourself to say ‘yes.’

Perhaps it’s something else?

While these behaviors might not feel good for you, I truly believe there was a REALLY GOOD REASON why you started doing them in the first place.

Perhaps it was to trying to belong?

Perhaps to try to motivate yourself?

Perhaps it was to feel grounded or in control when things felt crazy?

Perhaps it was to feel like you’re good enough?

Perhaps it’s something else?

To truly be able to change your behaviors, it’s essential to acknowledge and honor the positive intention behind the behavior that — for one reason or another — is no longer serving you.

Then, you can work on practicing new ways to honor that positive intention that feel better for you.

I know change can be hard.

This isn’t meant to sugarcoat that.

But, I do think that it helps us to understand the reasons why we continue to do the same things over and over again, even when they aren’t working for us. And, it helps us to move forward and create meaningful change!

Here are the steps broken down, if you’re up for workshopping this for yourself today:

• What’s one behavior in your life right now that’s no longer feeling right for you? No longer working for you? No longer serving you?
  
• What’s the really good reason (positive intention) that you started that in the first place?
  
• What’s one small way you can begin to honor that intention through a new, different behavior or action?

I believe in your ability to learn new and different ways of showing up for yourself.

I believe in you.