Last week, Dr. Becky posted on how to respond when your kid shows you something — like a piece of art work — that they made.

Personally, my instant response is to gush about how much I love their creations. Dr. Becky let me know in her reel that I might want to try a different approach. Rather than telling my kids how much I love it, I can practice asking them how they feel about it.

Why? Because it helps them build up a sense of inner pride. A resilience and connection they will undoubtedly need when the world doesn’t respond to every single thing they do with my same “OMG I LOVE THAT” enthusiasm.

Noted!

As an adult, I’ve learned how important that sense of deep self connection is. When we trust ourselves, when we believe in ourselves, and when we can feel proud of ourselves, we get to move through our days with a sense of self that nobody can take away from us.

How do we cultivate a deeper sense of self?

One way to cultivate a stronger sense of self is to consider your own wisdom first.

Who is the first person you reach out to when things feel tough? When you’ve got a decision to make? When you feel overwhelmed or underwhelmed or just “whelmed”?

What if that first person you connected with was you?

It doesn’t mean you can’t still call your best friend or email your coach or chat with your partner. You absolutely can. But what if, before you did those things, you took a moment to be with yourself?

Hold your authentic self close: that version of you who trusts yourself, believes in yourself, is proud of yourself. That version of you who knows you’re worthy, lovable, enough.

And, the next time something comes up and you have the urge to ask everyone in the world around you how you should feel or what you should do or what they think…

Check in with your authentic self first:

How doyou feel?

What do you think?

Which next step feels right to take?

Taking a few moments to pause and connect with your wisdom before you check in with everyone else is an awesome practice to build up that sense of self.

More than a decade ago, engaged and almost married, Tim and I went to see a therapist together for the first time.

We lovingly referred to her as our interpreter, as it seemed there were many instances where we were speaking different languages.

That was the first time we sat in her office but it wasn’t (and probably won’t be) the last.

Over the years, she’s said many profound things that have helped to bring us closer together. But I’m not sure any one-liner will ever hit a deeply, powerfully, or lovingly as when she said…

“What if you assumed the best?”

What would happen if I was willing to assume the best in Tim? And him in me?

Let me tell you what happened: less defensiveness, fewer biting comments, and wayyyyy more openness for communication, connection, and understanding.

Assuming the best.

Sometimes to our benefit, how we do one thing is how we do everything. The more I assumed the best with Tim, the more I started to assume the best in my other relationships as well. This included my relationship with myself.

Assuming the best in your relationship with YOU can be transformative.

It reminds you that you’re already and always enough

Your imperfections don’t make you broken. They make you human!

Simply by being you, you are worthy of care, love, and respect. You are worthy exactly as you are!

Assuming the best makes it a lot easier to embrace these truths. And, embracing these truths makes caring for yourself and showing up authentically in your life a lot more likely!

It creates space for self-compassion

The benefits of self-compassion are HUGE, like decreased stress, increased inner strength + resilience, more happiness, greater overall feelings of wellbeing, connection to wisdom (hey there, intuition!), increased ability to learn new things, and experience growth. Also, not hearing “I hate myself” all day long is a pretty epic benefit, too.
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Self-compassion is the act of offering yourself kindness and understanding. Dr. Kristen Neff describes its three main elements:
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❤️Self kindness (in place of judgment): accepts the reality that you cannot be perfect, offers yourself warmth & gentleness in a tough or challenging moment
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❤️Common humanity (rather than isolation): understanding that suffering is part of the shared human experience & you’re not alone in what you’re going through
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❤️Mindfulness (instead of over-identification): acknowledges how you feel & what you’re experiencing without letting it define you

It helps you to shift from judgment to curiosity

Rather than judging yourself, assuming the best makes room for curiosity. And curiosity leads to stronger self-connection and trust!

It can help you to discover the positive intention

Most everything we humans do is fueled by a positive intention. Yes, even your self-sabotaging behaviors and inner critic!

Rather than trying to stop acting a certain way or silence the judgmental inner voice with positive vibes or affectionate phrases, give yourself permission to be with this part of yourself, to connect with this part of you.

✨What does this part of you really need? ✨

✨What is that inner voice saying? ✨
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✨What is this part of you afraid you might lose? ✨

✨What is this part of you trying to protect you from? ✨

✨What is most important to this part of you?✨

✨What does this part of you need to feel safe? ✨

✨What does this part of you deeply desire? ✨

✨What is the “really good reason” or the “positive intention” behind the self sabotage, fear, judgment, criticism, comparison, shame, and/or blame? ✨
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There’s such deep self-connection that can come from this practice.

When you can sit with your whole self, including the parts we often feel we “should” reject, you plant the seeds for a deep, trust-filled, and compassion relationship with the person you will spend your whole life with: yourself.

I’d love to encourage you to assume the best when it comes to YOU for the next 24 hours. If you do, let me know what you discover?

This definition of “desire” might not appear in the Oxford Dictionary, but it’s in the Simi Dictionary and it’s what I live by!

Desires are the needs of our soul.

We’ve got needs, wants, and desires:

Needs: what you require! Check our Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (taking me back to my undergrad sociology courses).

Wants: nices-to-haves.

Desires: what your soul needs.

So, how do you get what you truly desire?

From where I sit, our desires live deep down beneath our wants.

It will probably come to NO surprise to you — if you hang out with me here often — that we are going to discover them through curiosity. My friend Jamie called me the Queen of Questions 👑 the other day and it’s a title I’ll gladly accept!

Here are some questions to ask your wants so you can discover your desires:

✨ Why is having this (or experiencing this) important to me?

✨ What about this feels meaningful?

✨ What would having (or experiencing) this allow me to feel?

✨ What am I hoping that having (or experience) this would do for me?

Now, let’s explore how these questions work in our real lives!

Scenario 1: You want your body to change, you want to lose weight.

This is a scenario I’ve explored with SO many of my clients over the last decade. It’s also a scenario I explored with myself when I was healing my relationship with my body a decade+ ago.

Why is having this outcome (weight loss) important to me?

Because I want to feel confident. I want to feel lovable. I want to feel accepted. I want to feel like food and exercise doesn’t have to be such a battle — if I lost weight I’d finally be able to eat and move intuitively without feeling like I constantly needed to fix myself.

There’s the desire! What the soul needs: confidence, love, acceptance, and intuitive relationship with food & movement. This gives us something fulfilling and meaningful to work on developing.

Scenario 2: You want all new furniture in your living room.

What would having this new furniture allow me to feel?

I would be able to walk into my house and feel ease, spaciousness, peace. I’d be able to rest and relax because everything would finally be exactly right. It would feel like a reflection of me — my taste, my style.

There’s the desire! What the soul needs: ease, relaxation, authenticity, and to let go of the pressure to be perfect. This gives us something fulfilling and meaningful to work on developing.

Scenario 3: You want to say the perfect thing to your friend.

What about this feels meaningful?

If I could say the perfect thing when my friend shares with me, then she would know how much I care about her. I would be valuable to her as a friend and she would want to continue to be connected. I would be able to ease some of her burden. I would be valuable to our relationship.

There’s the desire! What the soul needs: vulnerability, connection, and accepting your humanness. That gives us something fulfilling and meaningful to work on developing.

I’d love to hear what your soul needs. What you desire! If you give this practice a try, let me know what comes up for you.

Last week, an UNMEASURED member sent me this message:

I was so moved when she shared that she is someone who cares about herself and someone who cares for herself.

When you think about someone who cares about + for themselves, who do you think of?

Do you think of you?

If not, and being someone who does feels hard, I’d love to help you process through some of the resistance so you can find more ease, instead.

First, let me give my eternal disclaimer: none of us will ever do this perfectly, 24/7. Never ever. So leave the unrealistic + impossible expectations right here in this little perfectionism trashcan 🗑

Second, let me tell you something I know to be unequivocally true: you are worthy of care.

Sometimes, to see yourself as someone worthy of care, there is some resistance to work through. Working through that resistance isn’t usually a one-and-done thing. It’s an ongoing act of care for yourself to show up in the weeds with yourself!

That’s right! Being someone who “cares for yourself” isn’t all buying yourself flowers (although go for it if you want! 💐).

Let’s get to a slightly less glam (but wildly powerful) form of self care: working through resistance to being someone who cares for and about yourself.

Notice the resistance to the resistance.

I totally understand the impulse to ignore resistance! If we pretend it’s not there… will it go away? 🤞

The answer is no, it won’t. And, not only will it not go away, but even if you try to ignore it, the truth is that you’re still experiencing it.

Notice the positive intention behind the resistance (self protection? preservation? something else?) and thank your past self for building it up. Let that part of you know, “we no longer need this. We are safe to explore this. I’ve got your back — I’m here with you.”

Release the “shoulds” of how this needs to look.

Much of our resistance comes from our inner stories (rooted in “should”). What you are telling yourself that caring for yourself “should” look like may be one of the biggest reasons you feel resistant to it.

Release the rules here, staying open to what you discover.

Acknowledge the judgements (including jealousy) you hold about people who practice “self care.”

You might be surprised at how much comes up for you here. I’d encourage you to grab a pen and jot them all down. These might sound like…

“They disregard community care,” or “they are vain,” or “they are selfish,” or “self care is too expensive,” and the list can go on.

For each of the judgments you jotted down ask yourself…

Can you really know that’s true?

Where did you “learn” that was true?

What else might be true?

What belief would you need to hold to feel safe to care for yourself?

Take a moment to write it down here. If there’s more than one, write them down, too!

Close your eyes and imagine a version of you who holds those beliefs.

What is this version of you doing? How is this version of your speaking to yourself? What boundaries does that version of you have? Who is that person choosing to connect with? How does this version of your show up for yourself, in life? What else do you notice?

Today, I want to encourage you to “try on” that version of you. Revisit those beliefs throughout the day. Give yourself permission to take one or more small steps aligned with what you imagine.

How does that feel? What do you experience?

Ever have one of those days when you want to make a loving choice for your future self when it comes to movement…

But you aren’t quite sure if that loving choice is to workout or rest?

I’ve got a question I ask myself that helps me so much in these moments.

If you think “omg genius” when I share it with you, take it and use it!

If you think “WTF,” feel free to throw it in the proverbial trash.

Here’s one of my absolute FAVORITE ways to decide whether to press play on an UNMEASURED barre class or say “yes please” to rest:

Am I tired from the neck up? Or am I tired from the neck down?

If I’m tired from the neck up (mentally exhausted), then movement is usually loving to my future self by creating clarity through the mind fog so I can feel mentally energized.

If I’m tired from the neck down (physically exhausted), then physical rest is usually loving to my future self because it helps me to fully recharge.

Of course, rest is ALWAYS an option… even when we aren’t tired. But, when you’re on the fence, this little tune-in-trick can help!

I love a good question since curiosity is such a powerful way to create deeper self connection.

If you give this Q a try, I’d love to know how it lands for you!

As Abraham Hicks said, “a belief is a thought you keep thinking.”

How many thoughts have you had about your body that you keep thinking?

From very early on in each of our lives, we were exposed to other people’s body beliefs. These beliefs likely come your way through comments directed at you, comments said around you, media messaging, and more. These moments create experiences, internalized “meaning,” and become part of the inner story that you are constantly telling yourself.

I’ve worked with hundreds of women on healing body image and each one has her own body story full of beliefs that started with thoughts that got repeated.

Are you craving healing when it comes to body image?

❤️ You’re not alone! Here’s the reason why so many of us have struggled with our body narrative (hint, your body is not the problem!!)​

❤️ Here’s what it actually means to have more positive body image​

❤️ Here’s a quick visioning exercise for more positive body image​

❤️ Here’s a practice for better body image in 10 seconds​

❤️ Here are 5 questions for better body image​

Exploring your own body story is an important part of healing body image, too.

I’d love to guide you to explore yours a bit, if you’re open to that today. If so, I encourage you to grab a pen & paper, proceeding with compassion and curiosity for yourself.

When you think back to your childhood, what were the comments, stories, or messages you received about bodies – yours & other people’s? These experiences most likely included family/care givers and medical providers (like a pediatrician).

Did any of those thoughts stick with you, repeated, ultimately turning into body beliefs?

What about in your adolescence and teenage years? During this time, experiences with peers and media can become prominent, as well.

Did any of those thoughts stick with you, repeated, ultimately turning into body beliefs?

Finally, what about adulthood? This may be a time when experiences with social media and co-workers contributed to your inner body narrative.

Did any of those thoughts stick with you, repeated, ultimately turning into body beliefs?

Releasing judgment and embracing compassionate curiosity: what is the story you’re telling yourself about your body? How does that story feel for you?

Understanding your body story is an important place to start! We can only reframe our thoughts in a meaningful way when we begin with compassionate awareness.

Yes, reframing our thoughts about bodies can be challenging work. And, it’s absolutely necessary if you desire to create new body beliefs.

What is the story you truly want to write about your body?

What thoughts, if repeated, might help you to write a new chapter in your body story?

Write it all down as you let yourself really explore this.

Perfection is a limiting belief and one of the most common ways perfectionism shows up is an all-or-nothing mindset!​​​​​​​​
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All-or-nothing thinking can keep you trapped in a cycle of unrealistic expectations, exhaustion, and failure. It can disconnect you from how you feel, what you need, and the present moment. It can cause you to miss out on a lot of the goodness of everyday life. And, often, it creates a false belief that your worth is dependent on meeting the expectations or following the particular rules. ​​​​​​​​

I could talk to you forever about releasing perfection. Like…

💌 Thoughts on perfection as a limiting belief here​

💌 How to release the made up rules (via one of my favorite practices) that keep us trapped in an all-or-nothing mindset here​

💌 How “high standards” can actually self-sabotage growth here​

💌 A powerful question to ask in any moment to open up your mind when you’re feeling stuck in perfection here​

💌 & Letting Go of Leo: How I Broke Up with Perfection (a memoir about overcoming a decades long struggle with feeling like I wasn’t enough) here​

Yet, no matter how much I share about this topic, there always seems to be more to dig into, explore, and practice.

If you’ve ever had a situation (I know I have 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️) where you feel like you’ve fallen short, messed up, or things didn’t go the way you had hoped, you may be familiar with the perfectionist spiral and feelings of failure that can follow.

Today, I want to be there for you in that moment by sharing three questions that you can ask yourself.

These three questions will help you to shift from the “fixed” all-or-nothing mindset into a place of growth, where you have permission to embrace your beautifully imperfect self.

First, what do I want to celebrate about this experience?

Perhaps you tried something new, spoke from the heart, or made an effort toward something that matters deeply to you. See if there’s something you want to celebrate and take a moment to acknowledge yourself!

Second, what did I discover here?

I love the saying, “there’s no such thing as failure, only feedback.” What’s the feedback here? What did you learn?

Third, what do you want to try differently next time based on this experience?

Create an empowered path forward that honors your lived experience. Make the next step possible for you here.

If you practice these questions, I’d love to hear how they shift your thoughts, perfective, and experience.

After the big UNMEASURED bday bundle sale, I wanted to give your inbox a rest. That rest turned into an unintentional emailing sabbatical.

I’m genuinely happy to be here with you now, sipping coffee, and sharing from the heart.

In a way, the unintentional sabbatical is very aligned with my “approach” to sharing this year: don’t say something just to say it.

Say it because you feel it deeply, truly mean it, or are so excited you couldn’t possibly hold it in.

Today, I’m sharing because of all of the above.

Almost one year ago, my professional life took a turn I did not see coming. It was a total out-of-nowhere surprise to my brain (and my life). It was not, however, a surprise to my intuition. In fact, she felt it coming for a good bit of time, softly preparing me for the change.

In the early summer of last year, I got a DM about an opportunity. Truth be told, I thought the DM was an invite to be on a friend of a friend’s podcast. It quickly became clear that what I thought was going to be a chat about how to eat intuitively was actually the first of many interviews for a new role at a brand new health care startup (spoiler alert: it’s one I’ve now been in for 10 months 🤯).

I didn’t see that plot twist coming!

And yet, I definitely felt it.

For more than a year before this opportunity was on my radar, I kept having this deep down “knowing” that I would be part of a team. I’d mention the feeling to Tim multiple times a week.

It wouldn’t go away but I also couldn’t figure out how it would be realized. I kept saying, “isn’t that strange? How would that even happen?”

Sometimes we know something without knowing how that something will actually happen yet. It’s ok to rest in this “not yet” place.

I’ve been a solopreneur for close to a decade. During this time, I’ve loved to partner and collaborate with others on projects. Without a doubt, those are the most fulfilling and cherished parts of my entrepreneurial experience.

But, at the end of the day, I always felt fully responsible for “my” business.

There were seasons in my life when I loved that feeling and I thrived on it! But when COVID hit, something subtle changed. Was it the isolation? Was it the unknown? Was it navigating motherhood with two small children during a pandemic? Something else? All of the above?

I honestly can’t say, but I do know that something(s) planted the seed and I started to know, “I’m going to be part of a team, even if I have no idea how this will happen.”

Co-creating with others has always been one of the most energizing things for me. To hear people’s perspectives, to watch an idea or vision evolve because of their unique gifts, to feel “in it together” — I love it. It’s why I love to co-create a life with Tim, why I love to co-create energy with our beautiful community in UNMEASURED, and why I’ve loved to partner on professional projects with dear friends.

And, it’s also why when I finally figured out that the DM was a chance to be part of a small team co-creating something amazing together, it felt both out-of-nowhere and also meant to be.

It was a real mental rollercoaster deciding whether or not to say “yes” to this opportunity and in the end, my “yes” was fully rooted in the permission I gave myself to choose: me.

I know that choosing yourself can feel scary, selfish, or a departure from your identity (if “who you are” is wrapped up in caring for others). Or, at least, I know it can be all of those things for me.

Each of those presents an opportunity to go inward, get to know yourself more deeply, and decide what is right for you. The resistance to choosing yourself can be an opportunity to re-learn how to in the first place.

Today, I want to share a few things that helped me. I share these in the hopes they will also help you to choose YOU, too — no matter how small or big the moment of choice is.

👏 Confidence 👏

To me, confidence can be summed up in one word: trust. I had to ground into my self-confidence over and over again during this decision-making period.

I had the amazing opportunity to dive deep on the topic of confidence with two of my dearest friends, Whit & Steph, on their amazing podcast Capture Your Confidence (click here to tune in 🎧).

Could I guarantee what the future would look like? Absolutely not. Could I trust myself to navigate the unknown with a growth mindset, compassion, and openness? 100%. That’s the confidence I rooted into. This podcast episode will take you into the intention, practices, and more of this approach to self-confidence.

I hope you’ll listen to our chat and let me know what resonates with you.

❤️ Compassion ❤️

The ongoing practice of self-compassion has completely transformed my inner dialogue, the way I navigate life, and my relationship with myself. I don’t say that to be dramatic… it truly has. It was with me every step of the way to say “yes” to myself in this situation.

I’ve been sharing a lot about self-compassion on social media lately. These are some posts that can support you if self-compassion is a practice that you’re, well, practicing!

✨ a starting place for self-compassion: questions to ask your inner critic

✨ a breakdown of the three components of self-compassion​

✨ my favorite self-compassion exercise​

✨ what self-compassion actually sounds like​

Let me know what comes up for you when you work through these posts!

💕 Care 💕

If choosing yourself feels selfish, this might be a beautiful time to re-write the story you’re telling yourself about your own needs. I really leaned into this opportunity during my decision-making time. It helped me to feel more connected to myself and find clarity.

Want to make this shift in your own relationship with yourself? I was so grateful to get to chat with Holly about self-care on her inspiring podcast Crush the Rush (click here to tune in 🎧). We talk all about releasing perfection, navigating resistance to your own needs, and honoring your mind and body.

Caring for myself in small, daily ways has helped me to shift my internal dialogue around my needs — from selfish to essential. I’d love you to listen to our chat here and let me know what you needed to hear the most!

I truly hope these three practices, and the resources I shared, will offer you support and encouragement today.

What does all this mean for our little corner of the internet?

I’ll continue to show up here for you in three main ways:

✨ In UNMEASURED! I love supporting our beautiful with joyful, intuitive movement. If you’re not in UNMEASURED yet, you can grab a free 7-day trial here.

✨ Via email! I love writing to you here. My plan is to sit down once (ish) a month to write you something heartfelt and substantial. I look forward to continuing to connect!

✨ On Instagram! I’ve never enjoyed IG more than I am right now. You can follow along with me here if you’d like.

I hope you’ll hit reply and let me know which feels most important in your relationship with yourself today: Confidence, compassion, or care?

Years ago, when I traded my food rules for intuitive eating, I also traded my January 1 resolutions (which were always about losing weight) for a different ritual. This ritual is something that’s allowed me to feel more in tune with my values, hopes, and dreams.

I started taking the first week (or more) of the new year to reflect on the past 12 months, reconnect with myself, and set thoughtful intentions for the year to come. Rather than forcing goals on January 1, I ease into the year.

During that first week or so of the year, I journal about it all. I love to look back on my notes from the year before! It’s always so special to see the twists-and-turns, the evolution, and those moments that the me from a year ago never could have imagined.

A few years ago, Tim started to join me. He and I both do this privately and then come together to share, learning how we can support one another individually, and get excited about what we will get to do together.

If you’re ready to ease into 2022 intentionally…

I’ve been creating something for you this entire month, to guide you from 2021 to 2022: A collection of IG stories (saved to my highlights) that you can think of it like a mini workshop that you can explore in your own time.

Grab a journal, cozy up, and tune in here:

• The power in the way you get to a destination here​
• Recognize the positive intention here​
• Focus on what is here​
• Healing + growth that’s for you here​
• Fear vs. love here​
• What’s one thing you’d change today here​
• No such thing as perfect here​
• Ask why here​
• Notice the micro moments here​
• It’s ok to NOT here​
• Lessons from the first year band here​

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And, here are the exact questions I ask myself as part of my new year ritual:

• To reflect on the past year here
• To set intentions for the year ahead here 

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They are wonderful to do solo, or to share with someone you love!

As you reflect on 2021 + set your intentions for 2022, I’d love to hear what’s on your heart!

Thank you for being here with me in 2021! I can’t wait for the moments we will get to share in 2022 (I have something special coming in February… stay tuned).

Happy new year!

Tis the season of the cutest thing ever, which was Osh’s holiday concert at school last week.

We got to see his sweet little class sing Christmas Carols together, and I thought my heart might melt out of my body.

Since his holiday concert included the whole school, we also saw the older kiddos in the band perform.

Seeing those band kids on stage brought back so many memories for me. Any other band kids out there? I played the alto sax, and being part of band was a huge part of my growing up experience.

The band teacher was so intentional in sharing what each class was working on within each piece they performed. When the first-year band kids took the stage, she shared how foundational this year was for them. The kids learned essential skills, like how to hold their instruments and how to practice.

I was so inspired by their courage to try and learn something new. I may or may not have cried a few happy tears.

When they played, it was clear they were not masters of their craft. And, when the teacher explained what they’d been working on, it was even clearer that the music they were making was magical in its own way.

The new year is just around the corner, so you may be starting to set your intentions, make goals, or pick a word of the year.

Psst, in next week’s email, I’ll share with you exactly how I tackle “new year resolutions” and offer some ideas that you can weave into your process.

As you prepare to embark on something new – whether speaking to yourself with compassion, eating intuitively, moving with more joy, setting boundaries, healing your relationship with your body, or something else – think of yourself like those kids in the first-year band.

Do you want to be masterful at the flute or trombone (or whatever your version of this is)? I’m sure!

But first, you’ve got to learn the foundational skills that will carry you there.

You’ve got to learn how to hold your instrument and practice.

Being inspired by the process instead of only the destination is pretty amazing. I’ll be over here, in awe of your courage to try and learn something new. Celebrating you every step of the way!