Before you compare yourself to that person, try this first.

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When I’m super inspired by someone, it’s usually because there is a desire in my heart that she has put into action.

For years, I was so inspired by women who had fun, easy, nourishing relationships with food. I really wanted that, but hadn’t learned to put that desire into action. I had to get open to seeing food differently. I had to be willing to experiment with new ways of being. I had to practice and learn new skills. It took time and I wasn’t great at it right from the beginning. But I learned and I grew!

If someone inspires you, rather than comparing yourself to her, I want to encourage you to notice what desire in your heart she’s acting on.

What’s the desire in your heart right now?

You can turn that desire into action, too.

It’s not always going to be easy, you’ll likely need support along the way, it might feel a little scary, and you probably won’t be the “best” at it right out of the gate.

And you know what? That person who inspires you wasn’t either.

But you can learn!

You can grow!

And there will come a day when food will feel fun, easy, and nourishing (or whatever the thing is that you’re desiring) and you’ll realize: “I’m doing it!”

And, without a doubt, you’ll inspire someone else.

2018 Intentions: How I Set Mine + How You Can, Too!

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Last year, as we celebrated New Year’s Eve in Mexico, Tim and I started a new tradition. I’m calling it a “tradition” because we did it again this year and in my mind two times makes a tradition.

We sat side by side and wrote what we hoped to experience and accomplish in 2017. When we were both finished, we shared our lists. It was so special to see where our dreams lined up and also where we could support each other in our more personal endeavors. This morning, on the same beach in Mexico with coffee in hand, we did it again for 2018.

It’s one of my favorite things we’ve done together and I can’t wait to continue it for years to come.

It may sound like that 2018 dream list would make up what I’m calling my “2018 Intentions,” but it’s not quite so. Instead, my 2018 intentions are the things I’m committed to work on / through so that I am able to experience or accomplish the things on that dream list.

How do I know what these “things” are? It’s pretty simple.

They are the things that I know will hold me back from experiencing much of what’s on the list Tim and I dreamed up. They are the areas of resistance I’ve felt this past year (for many years actually) that I am now finally ready to work through.

So, while I’m going to keep the 2018 list that Tim and I dreamed up between us, what I will share with you today are my 2018 intentions:

  1. Trust in my intention

Oh you guys. The number of hours I’ve wasted in 2017 (and let’s not even try to add up the number of hours in my entire life) worrying about how someone perceived me or interpreted something I said is an ATROCIOUS number of hours. I could have done so many things in that time. I could have accomplished so much with that emotional energy. I could have relaxed so much or watched so much TV or probably even written a TV show in the time I wasted (I’m not saying it would be a good TV show). I’ve spent too much time worrying that:

  • my genuine excitement to share something with someone I admire was perceived as asking for too much or trying to take advantage;
  • my genuine enthusiasm for someone’s accomplishment was perceived as fake;
  • putting up boundaries that were important to me was perceived as rudeness; and
  • the list goes on.

I really feel that I’ve gone as far as I can go carrying this constant thought loop around with me and it’s 100% time let it go. It’s 100% time for me to trust my intention (the intention to share with genuine excitement, to celebrate with genuine enthusiasm, to set boundaries from a genuine place of knowing my priorities, and more) and let the rest go.

As Tim always says, “If someone misinterprets your intention and has an issue with something you said or did, they can let you know. That’s their job.”

  1. Own my value

Knowing my value only goes so far. Nobody in the world will know my value (or yours) unless I (or you) show them. I believe this SO much for others and this year is my year to embody it in my own life. I know my value and 2018 is the year I am going to own it by saying “yes” to what aligns with it and “no” to what doesn’t.

“Trusting in my intention” above is a prerequisite for this one and I am excited to see these two work together.

Since getting clear on these intentions, I’ve already been given so many opportunities to live them out, which is both scary and exciting. I know they will continue to be tested throughout the year, but I also know that is part of real growth. I also know that I won’t be doing any of it alone. I am so ready to live these out intentionally with amazing help and support – from my coach, family, friends, and personal accountability / discipline.

If you want to set intentions in this way, too, here are the simple (yet powerful) steps I use:

  1. Let yourself dream! What do you want to experience or accomplish in 2018?
  2. What beliefs, practices, or behaviors that showed up for you in 2017 might block you from experiencing or accomplishing said things?
  3. Based on your dreams + potential blocks, what intentions would feel amazing (and maybe a little challenging / scary, but in a good way) to set in 2018 so you can move forward in the direction you’re looking to go? What blocks are you committing to work through?
  4. Start to notice the opportunities to live out your intentions and see them as gifts of growth (in my experience, once you commit to change, the opportunities to exercise the change will show up pretty quickly).
  5. Set up an awesome support system! You don’t have to do this alone.

Sending lots of love and big hugs from the ocean! I can’t wait to navigate this new year together.

Cheers to 2018!

Why gratitude isn’t always as easy as it sounds (& what can help)

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I can remember a time when hearing people share about good things happening in their lives or sharing gratitude for what was going well made me think thoughts like:

  • “EW! I can’t believe how much she brags about her life!” 
  • “Must be nice to be so happy all the time, but some of us have real problems in our lives unlike her.” 
  • “How naive! She must just ignore everything bad in her life. That can’t be healthy.”
  • “I feel badly about my life because it doesn’t sound as good as hers.”

I would create stories in my mind about the other person and I would project a lot of judgment — onto her and onto myself. I would either make myself out to be a better person than her (because I didn’t “brag” or I “lived in the real world”) or a lesser person (because my life “wasn’t as perfect”). I was stuck in a cycle of feeling badly, judging others (including myself), and thinking thoughts / taking actions that perpetuated that cycle. 

I had gotten comfortable feeling badly for myself, playing the victim, missing opportunities to celebrate life, and focusing on what wasn’t working the way I wanted it to. I was actually pretty “good” at it. It was my normal.

Did I feel a lot of joy in this “normal”? No.

But, was I pretty comfortable feeling judgmental and comparing constantly? Yea actually, I was. It felt safer than trying something new.

This played out in my relationship with food, it played out in my career, and it played out in my relationships. It felt more normal to be constantly judging myself and others, focusing on what could be better about myself / my life, and feeling badly for and about myself than it did to “simply practice gratitude!” Gratitude didn’t feel simple at all.

It’s tricky because there are very few people who would answer the question, “is gratitude a bad thing?” with “yes!! It’s the worst!” Yet, there are plenty of people who struggle to practice it and judge others when they do. (Hi! I was one of them!)

So, if reflecting on 2017 with gratitude feels hard for you, please know that it is ok! Gratitude isn’t always as easy as it sounds. At least, it wasn’t for me.

Gratitude is a muscle that has to be flexed and built up over time. The more you work it, the stronger (and more natural, phew!) it gets. And, there are a lot of fears, judgments, and limiting beliefs that can come up when you start to practice it. Fears, judgments, and limiting beliefs like:

  • I’m terrified that if I stop being so critical of myself and start to feel more grateful that I will become complacent and won’t ever “be better” or “succeed.” (I put those in parenthesis because sometimes those definitions actual change as you become to feel more grateful).
  • My life isn’t perfect… something really hard happened… so I don’t think gratitude even possible.
  • I don’t practice yoga or meditate or drink green juice… I don’t have 90 minutes a day to sit in silence alone… gratitude isn’t for me.
  • I’m really busy and this seems like a waste of my time.
  • I’m too humble for gratitude — it sounds like selfish bragging to me. 

This is a totally incomplete list of some of the fears + limiting beliefs I had and some I have heard clients express to me. There may definitely be ones you’re experiencing that aren’t mentioned above.

Sometimes we are stuck in a cycle where what we get good at not feeling good. Where we spend all of our mental and emotional and physical energy caught in gratitude-less cycles, like:

  1. feeling badly, judging ourselves, and then creating impossible plans to make ourselves better which we inevitably “fail” at. Only to end up back at the start…
  2. judging someone else to make ourselves feel better, only it doesn’t work for very long. Then we feel badly again so we judge again to try to help. Still not helping…
  3. some kind of cyclical hybrid of some or all of the above (which was my personal cycle of choice back in the day)

If practicing gratitude in your own life feels challenging and / or you find yourself passing judgment or creating stories about someone else (or yourself) when she shares gratitude with you, I would love to offer you a little encouragement.

First, it is OK. You are not a terrible person or a judgmental monster. Judgment, fear, and a struggle with gratitude are all incredibly normal things to experience and most (all??) people do at one or many points in their lives. 

Second, if you feel ready to experience more gratitude in your life (which I believe is the gateway to much more joy), it is 100% possible. Here are a few things that can help:

  • Begin to identify any fears, judgments, or limiting beliefs you have that make gratitude feel uncomfortable for you (either when you’re practicing it or when someone else it). The list above can help give you an idea of what these might sound like!
  • If possible, notice when you started to feel that way (was it something a parent said to you? something you heard as a kid? at your first job? in a movie or book?) — this is not always possible to identify, no problem if you can’t!
  • Begin to build up your gratitude muscles with a regular expression / practice — even if it feels really hard (remind yourself that it feeling challenging at first doesn’t mean it’s wrong or not for you — you’re shifting the way you see yourself and the world, so YES it is definitely going to feel hard at times). I would recommend keeping a journal beside your bed and starting small: joy down 1-3 things each morning or evening that went well that day, however big or small! There have been times where all I could come up with was “got a good parking spot today.” Hey! That’s something, right!?
  • Remind yourself that the more you practice it, the easier it gets according to this Huffington Post article, which states: “The more you stimulate these neural pathways through practicing gratitude, the stronger and more automatic they become. On a scientific level, this is an example of Hebb’s Law which states ‘neurons that fire together wire together.'” You can read more about the Neuroscience of Gratitude here, if you’re like me and love to see the science behind this stuff!
  • Start to shift away from judgment toward yourself when you struggle a bit in your gratitude practice. Instead, get curious! This looks like checking in and asking yourself gentle questions: What’s feeling hard here? What limiting belief, fear, or judgment might be holding me back in this moment? How can I move forward toward gratitude one tiny step here?

Wishing you a holiday season full of even the teeniest bit more gratitude than before!

How I Prepared for Maternity Leave As An Entrepreneur

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It was so fun to get your emails & messages asking me to write about how I prepared for maternity leave. This is a post that I am SO excited to write — glad to know it will be fun for you all to read, too!

The big reason that I wanted to write this post is because when I was preparing for Alyosha’s birth I felt a bit lost. I searched the archives of blogs that I frequent & wasn’t able to find a post like this (but I reallllly wanted one). I was at a bit of a loss for resources & so I just followed what felt right to me — when in doubt… it’s the best “method” around!

Let me start by saying that what is in this blog post is what worked for me. Every mama is different, every family is different, every baby is different, & we all have a unique set of financial, medical, & emotional conditions that we are operating within. So, take my experience for what it is: my personal experience.

Use what works for you, ditch what doesn’t!

This might be the longest/most detailed blog post I’ve ever written, so grab a cup of coffee & get cozy…

#1 – Before Alyosha arrived:

As soon as I found out that I was pregnant (which was very early on… at 2 weeks!) I had to start making a plan pretty quickly. Why? Because I work with women in a 6 month program, so that meant I had to enroll my clients, at the latest, 6 months before Alyosha’s due date.

I instantly counted backwards 6 months from his due date (September 3, 2016). But, because I do everything solo for my business, I also had to think through things like “what if he comes a few weeks early & I can’t finish my client sessions?” There wouldn’t be anyone there to “fill in” for me. I knew I wanted to take time off after he was born & be totally unplugged from work, but I also knew, because of the nature of the work that I do, that I didn’t want to have to text my clients & say “in labor!! Sorry to have to cancel your last session! We can reschedule in a few months!” So, I added a few weeks buffer before my due date. I did a little math & made sure that I could have my 6 month clients’ programs wrapped up 3 weeks before my due date.

While I typically operate on a rolling enrollment for my program (aka when one client wraps up, I start another one – so I usually have clients at different places in programs at any given time), I did a mass enrollment for the first time. This required me to promote my one-on-one program way more than I typically would have. So, when I was just 1 month pregnant I started by sharing on my mailing list, blog, social media, etc. I prayed about this a lot & asked God to bring me the women who he wanted me to support during this time. I always pray about my current & future clients. This brings me so much peace!

Once I enrolled these pre-maternity leave clients (the most clients I had ever had at once! & such amazing women), it was time to think about the following:

  • How much time did I want to take off after Osh was born?
  • How would I enroll clients at that time?
  • What would my work schedule & child care look like when I went back to work?
  • What other logistics needed handled?

Deciding how much time to take off —

I decided to make my official “back to work” date on October 10, which meant that if Osh came on his due date I would get 5 full weeks off. To some people this might sound like no time at all, to others it might seem like a luxury. I made this decision for two main reasons: (1) Our family depends on two incomes. The money that my business makes is necessary for us! If it was just “extra” income then I would have likely taken way more time off. But the reality of having your own business is that if you’re not working then you’re not making money. &, like I mentioned, I need to be making money. This is NOT me complaining or saying woe is me, it’s just me being honest! I want you to know my real-life considerations so you can understand how I came to the conclusions that I did. Your considerations &/or conclusions might be very different & that is great, too! With the 3 weeks before my due date + the 5 weeks after, money wouldn’t be coming in to my biz for 2 months. I felt totally comfortable with paying myself for 2 months without any new income coming in so that was a big deciding factor; & (2) I love the work that I do &, in a way, my business is one of my babies. I felt it would be really hard to be away for a ton of time. Even before I took time off I could already feel myself being “ready to go back” (remember, this was before I actually had a baby hahah! I wrote all about the conflicting emotions I actually felt going back to work in this blog post here).

Before I move on, I also want to share a fear that came up for me around taking time off for maternity leave: fear of rejection. This is one of my core fears that I have spent a lot of time working through in my own journey so that I can operate in my life from a place of love. But, at times, it still sneaks in there!! In this situation, my fear looked like this: “if I take too much time off, if I am away for too long, I will become obsolete & nobody will want to work with me anymore.” It felt really yucky & made me feel panicky. So, rather than making a decision from that panicky place I worked through this fear FULLY before I officially decided on how much time off I would take. I got calm, centered, & then was able to make a loving choice for myself. I just wanted to share because others may also have similar fears! We all have fears & it isn’t about getting rid of them completely, right? Instead, it is about learning how to identify them, work through them, & get back to a loving place. As always, just being real with you beauties.

Enrolling clients to begin after maternity leave — 

I decided that I wanted to be able to start with clients on October 10 when I got back to work, which meant that I needed to hold consultations before Osh was born. I blocked off time on my calendar during weeks 2-4 before his due date & started building up a wait list right away. So, for about 6 months, everyone who filled out my consultation form got put (chronologically) on a wait list. When it was time to hold consults, I reached out to them to set up their consultations (FYI, many of these women signed up for a consult & some never responded — this is SO NORMAL). After contacting the people on my wait list first, I also sent an email to my mailing list & shared via social media! I held consultations for a few weeks, connecting with some incredible women, & signed up clients to begin in October.

I was super clear with these clients about my maternity leave during the consultations. It was really important to me to be on the same page, set realistic expectations, & to foster trust right from our first interaction. I set up every client who signed up with Finally Free Program to work on during the time between when they signed up & when we started, too, so they could feel supported during those interim weeks if they were ready to dive into material right away! I also collected a 1 month non-refundable deposit from everyone who signed up to save their spots, which I applied directly to their program cost when we got started in October (so, they didn’t actually pay any more than they would have if we had started right away – they just paid a little differently). I did this because I had never enrolled clients 2 months before a start date before, & my friend + mentor Jamie Mendell recommended this to me! It was a great rec & worked really well.

I gave these clients access to my calendar right when they signed up, too & let these clients schedule their October sessions right away!

Work schedule/daycare —

I have always seen clients 3 days a week & used the other 2 days to do other business things (i.e. writing, accounting, collab meetings, etc). So, I knew I wanted to continue with a similar schedule once Osh arrived.

Tim & I talked & felt that it was best for our family’s personal situation to have someone come to our home part-time to be with Osh on days when I had client sessions. I work mostly from home & so this option would also allow me to breastfeed Osh when possible. I loved the idea of being able to see him sporadically on work days & to know he would be super close if I needed a little snuggle. To make this happen we worked with Kiddo & Co.

Taylor Cobb, the owner of Kiddo & Co., came highly recommended from our friends Allie & Adam of The Wonder Jam. We had met Taylor a few times at events & so reached out to her! She took care of everything (background checks, setting up interviews, contracts, etc) & found us the most incredible nanny for our family. Brigette is a dream & comes to our house Mondays – Wednesdays. If you’re in Columbus & are interested in a part or full-time nanny, I can’t recommend Kiddo & Co. enough (not sponsored, just my honest + personal experience!).

Once we had this set up, I was able to know the hours that I would see clients & open up my October calendar accordingly for clients to start scheduling their post-maternity leave sessions (as I mentioned above).

Outside of these hours, & because of the nature of my work, I decided I would be with Osh when I was not holding client hours (take him to meetings, respond to emails while wearing him, etc). Kimberly Snyder was & continues to be a huge inspiration to me in this area. I watched her post pictures of her writing with her little man & also taking him all over (business meetings, work trips, etc). This let me know it was possible if it was something I desired to make happen. Obviously I am not saying that this is the “right & only way to parent,” but it was something I desired so I sought out women who were doing it. I believe it’s so good to be reminded that what our hearts desire can be our reality & seeing Kimberly Snyder run her business in this way showed me that it was possible.

Logistics —

THANK GOODNESS FOR PRE-SCHEDULING!!!!

I set up an out of office months before I went into labor & Tim (my husband) knew that it was his job to activate it when labor started!

I also scheduled a number of emails to go out during my maternity leave for summits that I was a part of during that time + for a program I was affiliating for! If I couldn’t pre-schedule content during that time then I said “no” to opportunities that presented themselves but would have required me to work during my maternity leave. This was a personal preference, but it felt really right for me.

#2 – During maternity leave:

I put up an out of office & I really stuck to it. I didn’t respond to emails the entire 5 weeks that I was off with the exception of my private clients.

The women who signed up to work with me one-on-one knew that they could text me if they really needed pre-program support & could ask me to check my email, which I would have gladly done for them. They also knew that my response time would be wayyyyy slower than when I was back to work. I was super clear about these boundaries so that nobody felt let down or taken advantage of. Of course everyone understood. & if they didn’t, well they wouldn’t have signed up with me, right?? 😉

I stayed active on Instagram during my maternity leave, but just in a way that felt really organic! I was so excited to share Osh that it was fun! I also sent 1 email to my list introducing them to Osh. Otherwise, I didn’t do any social media or writing work! Anything else that went out during my 5 week maternity leave was pre-scheduled.

I spent these 5 weeks soaking up every second of family time & it truly was the most magical time of my life so far. I’m looking forward to sharing more about this, but sweet mother of pearl, this post is already as long as a Lord of The Rings novel so for your sake I will save it for another time (you’re welcome).

#3 – Going back to work

On October 10, I started back to work! I wrote about the conflicting emotions that I felt in this blog post, if you want to read. As I write this to you, it’s been 1.5 weeks of being back to work & all I can say is that it gets easier/more smooth every day. We are finding our groove!

In hindsight, I wouldn’t change a thing about how I prepared for maternity leave. I truly believe the reason it worked so well is simple: I took time to connect with what felt right for me & was able to trust my intuition to help me plan, prepare, & execute it in a realistic way.

***If you’re an entrepreneur & are preparing for maternity leave, the ONLY advice I have to give you is DO WHAT FEELS BEST FOR YOU. You know your business, you know your heart, & you know what you need more than anyone else! Trust in that.***

If you’re still reading (I know… SO LONG RIGHT?!), I hope it was helpful!

All The Feels: Dealing With Contradictory Emotions

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I’m back from my mini-maternity leave & I missed you!

On September 5, we welcomed our sweet baby boy, Alyosha Vuk Simeone, into the world. It has been an incredible month getting to know him & easing into motherhood. I have so many things I want to share with you all already (like what my birth experience taught me & how I prepared for maternity leave as an entrepreneur). Plus, Osh has been schooling me on life, love, & so much more. Babies are funny like that: they don’t say a word but their silence & presence teach you SO much. 

Since this is my first week back to work since the little goose was born, I want to talk with you about something that is very real for me right now: contradictory emotions (aka having all the feels).

It’s definitely been the theme of the week for me & I can’t help but notice that it has been for few of my clients, too.

This past weekend, as the end of my 5 week maternity leave quickly approached, I noticed myself having seriously conflicting emotions. One part of me was so excited to dive back into coaching, connect with my clients, & get back to writing. Simultaneously, I was heartbroken that the “early days of motherhood” chapter of my life was coming to a close. Did I love my job & did I believe I was meant to do this work? 100% yes. Did I also want Osh to stay a few weeks old & be able to pass all of my time snuggling him every moment until forever? 100% yes. So, the moment in time was a bittersweet one because I was simultaneously excited for the new beginning & heartbroken for the end. It was also confusing because I felt two different things… & I felt them both 100%.

I’m no mathematician but how the hell does that add up?

In the past, I would have either (1) let my sadness about being away from Osh minimize my joy over a career I love OR (2) pushed down my sadness because I was afraid it would take away from my joy (causing me to explode later on over unprocessed emotions). & both of these situations would have wreaked havoc on my relationship with food. Because when I wasn’t practicing deep emotional self-care, food was my primary coping mechanism when conflicting emotions arrived.

Now I know I’m not alone. I often see women turning to food (like overeating for comfort or strictly controlling because they feel they have no control in their lives) as a result of feeling like they don’t have permission to feel their emotions fully.

& I get it!! It can be scary, right? We fear we might spiral out of control if we let ourselves “go there.” We fear we might be perceived as negative. We fear we won’t be able to get through it or move past it. We fear it might be too much to handle.

But, what I’ve learned is that we CAN survive our feelings, even the conflicting ones.

We can be excited for a friend who just got engaged even when we are super down about a recent breakup. We can be elated about a job in a new city & also be terrified to say “goodbye” to our community. We can celebrate someone’s victory when we are simultaneously mourning our own loss. We can love ourselves unconditionally while acknowledging we have room to grow. We can love our jobs & be excited to do important work while also loving our babes & wishing we never ever had to leave them. We can be sad & happy, excited & scared, faithful & disappointed, & everything in between. All at once.

Our hearts aren’t black & white & our feelings can’t be simplified into basic math.

When we treat ourselves with gentle compassion, give ourselves full permission to process our emotions (even when they seem confusing), & allow ourselves to feel all the feels, we will get through it one breath, one tear, & one laugh at a time.

How To Practice Self-Care During A Difficult Time

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Today I want to talk with you about going through difficult times & how we can take care of ourselves even in those tough life seasons (because let’s be real… we all have them).

I think self-care (aka how we take care of ourselves physically, emotionally, & mentally) is one of the most important skills we can develop. It is the root of true health! I love to chat with women about self-care & I love to coach women to learn to take incredible care of themselves… physically + beyond!

But, I want to clarify something I believe so deeply: practicing self-care doesn’t mean that everything goes perfectly, that we are always super happy, or that we feel our absolute best. Instead, I believe it means that we develop a deep appreciation for loving ourselves & nurturing ourselves moment to moment, whether the moments are full of pain, joy or something in between.

Something that too often gets glossed over is how to practice self-care during a difficult time. We need self-care on all days, not just the great ones. In fact, I would argue that a true self-care practice is applicable to all seasons in life & that is what makes it so valuable! It’s great to practice it on the easy days to build up our “self-care muscles,” but it’s important to flex those muscles when times get tough, too.

I want to be really candid with you for a sec. For me, the last 9+ months have been some of the most challenging of my entire life. From very early on in my pregnancy I have felt incredibly sick. I have been nauseas constantly (still today, at almost 39 weeks). I’ve spent so many days laying on my bathroom floor, getting sick, & praying for some relief. I’ve counted down days, weeks, & months until I would feel better, but so far the day hasn’t come. I felt (& at times still feel) incredibly isolated, trapped, & discouraged. I miss the super energetic version of myself. I miss being able to REALLY enjoy food. I miss WANTING to be social. I miss feeling at home in my body.

We are HUMAN and we are allowed to have tough experiences & seasons.

As I come toward the end of my pregnancy, I really want to share with you all the ways that I have been practicing self-care during this tough time. Whether you’re pregnant or not, I hope that some of these resonate with you & help you to take excellent care of yourself during life’s more difficult seasons (because you truly deserve it):

  • Be honest

In the beginning, this was REALLY hard for me. I wanted to pretend like everything was fine but soon realized that pushing down my feelings of loneliness, sadness, & general unwell-ness was only making it harder for me to process the experience. So I got real with myself & the people who I trust the most. Sometimes this just meant that I would share with Tim at the end of the day that being so sick made me feel alone & I could really use a hug while I cried.

It is so important to be honest with ourselves & others about how we’re feeling, what we’re going through, & our true experiences. This doesn’t mean you have to share your life’s struggles with every stranger on the street, but it does require you to be real about what is coming up for you. Give your feelings a name & allow yourself permission to feel whatever it might be (even if they aren’t the “prettiest” feelings). Confide in someone or a few people who you trust about what you’re going through & if you need to seek professional support know that you are not weak or a failure — sometimes we just need a little extra help! There is no shame in that. It’s important that we feel safe to experience our emotions & a crucial part of taking emotional care of ourselves.

  • Set boundaries

As a social person, I found that I needed to set some new boundaries to help take care of myself during this more challenging time. I needed to turn off my phone a little earlier (& even keep it away from my bed), protect more down time for myself, & lessen my use of social media. Even though it wasn’t “typical” for me, I really needed more peaceful/restful time than usual. New boundaries were necessary to make that time happen!

If you are struggling with something, know that it is OK to create new and/or different boundaries then you had in the past. It doesn’t mean you will always have to have those boundaries — after all, the tough times don’t last forever! We are constantly changing, growing, & evolving. Creating new boundaries allows us to protect our hearts, health, & emotions during each new phase.

  • Re-prioritize

This was so huge for me. I had to really get clear on what was most important to me during this tough season so that I could focus in on those things… letting the others fall away. For me, it meant that I focused on my private clients, my book proposal, my most cherished relationships, & getting enough rest. It meant that I didn’t create as much new content, launch the new group program that’s been on my heart for some time, or fill every free moment working, socializing, or “building my brand.” By re-prioritizing (again, just for this season!), I had the bandwidth to do the things that were most important to me & I was able to trust that at a (not so distant!) future time I will be able to re-invest in the other things that I needed to release for right now.

When things are more challenging, know that it is OK if your life needs to look a little different then it does on the super “in the flow” days/seasons. We are allowed to have seasons where we strive & we are allowed to have seasons where we survive. Both are important to our character growth & both teach us invaluable lessons when we take the time to connect back to ourselves through self-care.

  • Do something each day that helps you feel a little better

While I couldn’t make myself feel 100% “good,” I made it a priority to do little things each day to help myself feel a little better. Some days this was watching an old favorite episode of Dawson’s Creek, some days it was taking a barre class, some days it was a hot shower, & other days it was just diffusing some essential oils while I rested in bed. I focused on the little details of my experience that I could tweak to help me feel more comfortable & cared for.

Wherever you are or whatever you’re experiencing, you can be kind to yourself with your words, thoughts, & actions. Be tender with yourself & do the things (small or large) that help you feel supported. The details of our day can truly shift our experience!

  • Release expectations, guilt, & shame

I had so many expectations about pregnancy — none of which have been true for me. Because of this disconnect, I felt a lot of guilt & shame around my pregnancy experience. I felt terribly that I wasn’t a “better” pregnant woman, that I didn’t feel incredible, that I wasn’t glowing. I wanted those things to be my reality & when they weren’t I had to let myself off the hook. When I finally let myself acknowledge that my experience was exactly what it needed to be, I was able to release the guilt & shame of “falling short” I had felt so intensely before.

If something in your life isn’t going the way you imagined it or planned it, please know that it is OK! We can’t control everything in our lives & the sooner we release unrealistic expectations that we place on ourselves & others, the less guilt & shame we will experience when our experience doesn’t necessarily meet those expectations. There is so much freedom in this release.

My wish for you & for me is that we can allow our lives to unfold in their beautiful, messy, unique ways. Sending you so much love.

The World Needs More Of You

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Sarah Silverman said, “Mother Teresa didn’t walk around complaining about her thighs – she had shit to do.” Let’s chat about that shit today.

I know I can’t be alone in the serious self/life reflection that has been going on for me lately, right? As 2015 comes to a close, I find myself reflecting on the year & my role in the world. Not just in my “own” world, but in the world in general. With all of the scary, tragic, and awful events that have happened over the past 12 months (mass shootings, racism, terrorism, brutality, etc) I have felt desperate to understand how my actions, thoughts, & purpose fit into the greater scheme of things. I have felt desperate to make a loving difference.

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