This Thanksgiving + holiday season you have FULL permission to…

Eat the foods you love and leave the ones you don’t.

Sleep in (or wake up early to get cozy by the fire) rather than going for a morning workout.

Move your body for joy without worrying about how many calories you’ll burn.

Take a little time away from the hustle and bustle of things for some solo time.

Go into the bathroom to take deep breaths even if you don’t have to pee.

Feel lonely and connected, sad and happy, scared and free, comfortable and uncomfortable, and / or any other emotions that don’t completely make sense together at the very same time without it meaning anything is wrong with you (humans are so amazing like this — we have a beautiful ability to experience BOTH AND MORE in a single instant).

Respect your body even if you don’t love the way she looks today.

Speak up if someone says something hateful, racists, sexist, fat-phobic, etc.

Remove yourself from a conversation that you don’t want to be a part of.

Start a conversation that you’re actually interested in.

Eat a slice of pie even though you’re already full because it looks yummy.

Feel no guilt about that pie.

Wear something comfortable that won’t make you feel like you’re suffocating in your own seat while you’re just trying to enjoy a slice of said pie.

AND you have permission to…

Ask for help.

Accept help.

Get a little fuller than usual because there are so many food options around.

Respect your body when she tells you she’s truly satisfied.

Remember that even though the holiday food can feel special, you can make ‘holiday recipes’ any day of the year. Ah, one of the beauties of food freedom!

Not talk about how you’re going to go on a diet tomorrow.

Not strategize all the ways you’ll ‘make up’ for the holiday meal tomorrow.

Not go on a diet tomorrow.

Choose to use the brain space / energy you could have used to think about dieting tomorrow and spend it talking to someone you love and REALLY listening when they talk back, instead.

Stay off social media.

Post imperfect photos of meaningful moments on social media and not worry about how many likes they get.

Let go of the unrealistic expectations for yourself, your family, and the holiday(s). We are only human and it is only a day, after all.

Be intentional about what matters most to you. And, spend a few moments figuring out what that even is.

And loads of permission to…

Cry for no reason.

Laugh so hard you cry.

Laugh so hard you pee your pants a little.

Acknowledge the moments, people, and gifts that you’re grateful for from this past year.

Celebrate what you’re thankful for about yourself.

Practice compassion, compassion, and (self) compassion.

Throw in a little more compassion.

With so much gratitude for you — wishing you and yours a heartfelt Thanksgiving!

I’m trading my typically longer weekly post for a short check-in exercise today.

My hope is that you’ll use the extra time you’d typically spend reading the post to find a moment of quiet so you can connect with yourself:

What would it look like today for you to be on the SAME TEAM as your body? If you guys were working together –what is 1 thing that would change for you today?

Really take your time here – there’s lots of wisdom inside you that wants to come out!

On Thursday mornings, Osh and I go to this sweet little class that takes place in the woods. The teacher creates lessons using nature as the playground… like making paint from mud and ‘cooking’ stew with leaves and rocks and sticks.

It’s very cool! Honestly, I think I love it as much as Osh.

But, what truly makes the class so amazing is that the teacher really sees each of the little kiddos for who they are and meets them right where they are at.

Last week, his teacher saw Osh swinging a stick around. So, she headed right over to him and said…

‘Osh! Isn’t it fun to hit sticks? Come over here so I can show you something… it’s a stick hitting tree! You can hit this tree as hard as you want with the stick for as long as you want! Watch me, I’ll do it first.’

She picked up a stick and started hitting the tree.

‘This feels good, Osh! Here, you try!’

Osh picked up the stick, hit the tree, and giggled before eventually moving on.

I almost cried because I was so touched by this moment.

Rather than shaming Osh for trying to get aggression out she showed him how to express himself in a safe (for both himself and others), healthy way.

She could have shut him down and shamed him, making him feel wrong or misunderstood. But she didn’t. She met him where he was at, saw him for who he is, and helped him to express what was coming up for him.

Let that sink in for a moment.

How does this story relate to you and your emotions?

I see women all the time shutting themselves down and shaming themselves for feeling emotions other than happiness.

In the last few days, here are just some of the little ways I’ve heard this come through in conversation:

‘I have a great life. I just hate that I’m not happy all the time!’

‘This is so silly! I need to get over this [insert feeling].’

‘I hate that I’m like this! So emotional!’

‘I’m so sorry I’m crying. I don’t know why I do this.’

In our society, people really really really want to be happy.

And, I get it. I really like to feel happy, too!

But when we create the unrealistic expectation of 24/7 happiness for ourselves or others — often based on things we heard as a kid (like ‘go up to your room and don’t come down until you have a smile on your face’ or ‘big kids don’t cry’), other experiences we’ve had, or other messages we’ve received — it can actually hurt us.

That’s right. An unrealistic expectation of happiness can hurt you.

Because in the process, we end up demonizing and shutting down our other emotions. And, when we demonize those other emotions, it’s easy to feel like we are wrong or broken or failing because we can’t ‘just be happy.’

Happiness is a feeling and feelings are fleeting.

‘Happy’ will come and it will go and it will come again. Of course there are choices we can make to facilitate experiencing more of certain emotions but at the end of the day… we humans are created to feel it all.

When we judge ourselves for feeling some of the less ‘desirable’ emotions, like loneliness, sadness, or anger, we shut down the natural emotional process. We pack those emotions in. We aren’t free to move on. And, we get weighted down by the heaviness of shame.

Alternatively, when we step back and notice where we’ve let unrealistic emotional expectations creep in, shift those expectations, and in doing so release the guilt, shame, and judgment, we are free to fully feel our emotions.

We ultimately feel better when we have permission to feel our whole spectrum of human emotions, which allows us to move through them and ultimately move on.

As an adult, you might not have a teacher like Osh to show you a tree for whacking sticks. But, you can be that person for yourself.

If you’re feeling happy today, great!

If you’re not, how can you meet yourself where you’re at, see yourself for who you are, and create a safe space to express what’s coming up for you… shame-free?

Do you feel like you’re always rushing?

Constantly multitasking, trying to ‘make the most’ of each moment by doing twice as much?

Do you eat your lunch while checking your work email?

Watch a movie with your kids while scrolling on your phone?

Talk on the phone while replying to others’ text messages?

Check out from conversations so you can scan ahead in your mind to the next thing on your to do list?

How does it make you feel?

For me, rushing, multitasking, and constant to do list checking makes me feel spread thin. It makes me feel anxious. It makes me feel overstimulated, like I’ve got an electric current running through me. 

You too?

This past week, I’ve been helping my mom pack up her house as she gets ready to move to my neighborhood, which I’m so excited about! 

In the process of packing, we got to go through some special keepsakes that belonged to my mom’s mom / my grandma. 

My grandma had the most beautifully embroidered towels, hand-stitched napkins, and crocheted doilies. But, perhaps my favorite thing we uncovered were her aprons. 

These aprons are unlike anything I’ve ever seen. They are stunning. 

Each one was starched and folded impeccably ​in a bag to protect its integrity. With delicate flowers, pleated skirts, and feminine patterns, each apron felt more special than the last. 

My mom shared stories about my grandma getting ready each afternoon, apron and all, to take her time making a family dinner. My grandma loved to get ready and cook her family dinner. She smiled and sang and found deep joy in the experience. 

These dinners always always always included dessert. 

Because in addition to getting ready and cooking, my grandma LOVED dessert. 

I can personally attest to the fact that she made the world’s best brownies: always a satisfying combo of chewy and crispy with a thick layer of chocolate icing on top. 

I loved listening to my mom’s stories as she recalled the presence, intention, and care from my grandma each afternoon in the kitchen.

She wasn’t afraid to take her time. She wasn’t afraid to make an everyday task special. 

I’m inspired by my grandma to take my time today. To be present. To make the everyday moments special. To proceed with care.

What about you?

Where in your life do you want to take your time?

Where do you want to let yourself do one thing that brings you joy with your full presence? 

Where do you want to let yourself make a task, a moment, an experience truly special?

What do you want do with care?​

Can you think of someone in your life who takes her time? Someone who inspires you in this way? Reach out and let her know how she encourages you just by being who she is. 

Hey there!

Last week, I shared five of my all time favorite powerful and practical shifts to help you let go of perfection.

Here they are:

1. Stop calling ‘perfect’ a high standard, and start to call it what it truly is – a limiting belief
2. Shift from judgment to curiosity
3. Begin to see ‘failure’ as feedback, one of life’s greatest opportunities to learn and grow
4. Trade all or nothing / black and white thinking for the ‘nice place in between’
5. Rather than operating from a place of ‘shoulds’ begin to take value-based actions

One of the most powerful and practical shifts you can make in your life to let go of perfection is to take value-based action rather than operating from a place of what others tell you that you ‘should’ do.

This world will throw a lot of shoulds at you, but living a fulfilling life requires you to discover what truly matters to you in this season of your life and then take the daily steps to honor that!

Two of my personal core values are growth and connection.

These things are SO important to me and I try to take steps each day that honor them.

In 1980, my dad’s cousin Jasmina sent my mom a book about the Serbo-Croatian language. On the inside cover, she wrote her a beautiful note that ended with ‘good courage because Serbo-Croatian is not easy.’

I don’t know if I’ve ever loved a sign off more than that.

Good courage.

I spent so many year shying away from good courage in favor of what was ‘easy.’

I looked for and tried every ‘quick fix.’ It was disappointment after disappointment because the quick fixes never gave me the perfect life they promised.

I learned two major things from that time: Anything that promises you a perfect life is a lie.

But more than that, seeking those quick fixes robs you from cultivating that good courage that comes from really looking at what matters to you and doing the daily work it takes to honor that. There is no ‘quick fix’ to learning to let go of perfection.

But, with good courage and consistent effort, I know that it is possible.

It’s not always easy but you’re worth the effort.

Repeat after me: I am WORTH the effort!

I had a super cool conversation with a client yesterday about how ignored cravings (aka NEEDS) turn into cravings (aka needs) that will no longer be ignored.

Whether it’s…

a craving for food in general (hunger) that, when ignored or denied, turns into a famished starving sensation,

a craving for a specific food like donuts that, when ignored or denied, turns into shoving a dozen in your mouth while you sit in the car outside of the grocery store, or

a craving for rest / slowing down that, when ignored or denied, turns into a weekend where you can’t do anything but lay on the couch while you click the remote…

Your cravings will grow stronger and stronger over time!

Those moments where you’re starving, secretly shoveling donuts in your face, or exhausted for days on the couch don’t mean you’re lazy, have no willpower, or need more rules.

These intense, not-to-be-ignored cravings can simply mean you have a need that can be nurtured and met more regularly.

If you look at it like this… what are you in need of on the regular?

Six years ago, I walked in the doors of a sweet little barre studio called Studio B. 

At the time, my primary form of movement was long distance running and I had a super unhealthy relationship with movement.

I felt guilt if I missed a planned workout, I was pushing my body way harder than she needed to be pushed, and I was ignoring signs that my choices simply weren’t in the best interest of my health.

Without a doubt, Studio B changed my life.

Barre class was different than anything I had every tried before!

Something small inside of me shifted during that first class. I was awkward and uncoordinated, yet I walked out of that barre class feeling a little stronger.

I don’t mean physically stronger, but stronger in my heart. 

That little whisper inside (and the shaking in my legs) made me want to come back for more.

That night, I told Tim I’d met so many kind women at the Studio. He claims I said “I’m going to make so many friends,” but I don’t remember it quite like that…

I took another class the next day, a few days after that, and before I knew it I’d hung up my running shoes and found a new way to move my body.

After a few years as a student, I was so honored to become an instructor. And, over the last 6 years I’ve spent over 1,000 hours in that studio – some taking class, some teaching. And many more unaccounted hours before and after class connect with the women who truly did become dear friends.

Barre (and the incredible woman at Studio B) changed my relationship with movement. And, my relationship with myself. 

Barre taught me so much about treating my body with respect and learning to love the person behind the eyes I starred at in front of the mirror during each and every class.

When life got crazy, when I changed my career, when I got pregnant, when I became a mom, when I lost my dad, and so many other moments in between… I knew my mat was a place that I could come back to myself and feel at home.

Last weekend, a beautiful chapter closed (and you better believe we celebrated all 6 years of Studio B!!). 

It was a bittersweet ‘goodbye’ to Studio B.

It was also a ‘hello’ to a new chapter of movement in my life.

This week, after years of feeling masterful in the way I moved my body, I woke up Monday morning as a beginner again. 

I’m trying a new way of moving and I’ll tell you this: I’m no expert yet!

I’m awkward and uncoordinated and figuring things out.

I’m also 100% ok to be in this place.

Because this is how I felt that first day 6 years ago when I walked through the Studio B doors and took my first barre class.

And all those years at Studio B taught me the gifts of being a beginner. 

Those years taught me that when you stick with something, when you practice, when you speak with kind words to yourself, when you laugh at your clumsiness, when you show up for yourself, when you get curious, when you ask the people who are experts questions, when you don’t let fear of failure hold you back…

incredible growth is possible!

So this week, as I clumsily jump around my make-shift basement gym, I’m encouraged by these truths that the last 6 years have taught me.

Every master started out as a beginner.

Every expert is the beginner at something in her life right now.

If you’re willing to let the growth you’re yet to experience excite you, there is no shame in being exactly where you’re at today.

Love,

Sim

P.S. what’s one thing you’re a beginner at right now?

In college, I was the self-proclaimed to-do list QUEEN.

I loved scheduling out every moment of every day, down to when I would brush my teeth. It made me feel like I was in control of each minute and if I could cross everything off the list, it gave me a sense of accomplishment for the day.

If there was ever a day when I didn’t get to everything, I felt the opposite of accomplishment. I felt like a failure.

This only made me want to micro-manage and control even more, so that I could avoid that feeling.

Soon, I was trying to control everything in my life – not only my daily tasks, but every bite of food I ate, how many minutes I exercised, how many calories I burned, and how much I weighed.

Control, control, control.

If I had a day where it worked, I got a hit of adrenaline that made me feel like I was on top of the world.

The days where it didn’t work, well, I was on the bottom.

Years of trying to turn my life into a controllable to-do list left me without much of a life at all.

I feared letting go of my to-do lists because I thought it would make me OUT OF CONTROL.

Yet, my to-do list was getting in the way of my life.

Can you relate?

Are you afraid to let go of your food rules, because you worry you’ll be out of control around food?

Are you afraid to let go of your exercise check-list, because you fear you’ll never move your body again?

Where are you scared to let go of trying to control because you’re afraid you’ll be OUT OF CONTROL?

What if I told you that there is another experience, other than OUT OF CONTROL, available to you?

It’s not a choice between ‘control’ and ‘out of control’ (even though that’s how it can feel!).

It’s a choice between ‘false sense of control’ and ‘true connection.’

What if you let go of your food rules, and embraced connecting with your body’s signals and needs?

What if you let go of your exercise check-list and embraced connecting with the type of movement your body was craving?

What if you let go of your all encompassing to-do list and embraced connecting with your life?

At any moment when you choose to try to control, you can choose to connect instead. 

Where in your life do you want to stop forcing control and start feeling connection?

Where would it feel so fulfilling to have a life rather than a to-do list?

I was never considered “athletic” or “good at sports” growing up, so I didn’t get a lot of pressure from adults. But I can remembering hearing parents say to their (athletically gifted) kids that “anything less than first is failure.”

For those kids who were told they had to be first, well I guess they experienced a lot of failure.

Meanwhile, I was having a blast. As someone who was never going to get first place, I actually got to experience a lot of things other than failure. I got to experience doing something even when I felt scared, learning new skills, resilience, and (on more than one occasion) I got to experience that even if you trip over a hurdle and fall on your face… you can still finish the race! I experienced a lot of laughter (including learning to laugh at myself). I experienced the feeling of being part of a team. And, I even got a little better with time.

Clearly this little anecdote was lost on me over time, as a decade later, I was telling my health coach how terrified I was to give up my calorie counting, obsessive workouts, mean self-talk, and the self-imposed demand to be perfect.

“WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME IF I DIDN’T BECOME ‘PERFECT’? If I let myself off the hook to be ‘perfect’? If I fell short of ‘perfect’?”

I feared that I’d turn into a big pile of failure. That I’d start eating baked goods and never stop. That I’d lay on the couch until the end of time with no motivation to move. That I’d suck at my job. That That I’d become lazy, dumb, gross, unlovable.

I tried to explain to her that I couldn’t let go of the behaviors because I had really high standards for myself.

What’s wrong with high standards? Isn’t that what makes someone successful? Isn’t that how dreams come true? Isn’t that how I live up to my potential? I wondered.

What I’ve learned in middle school track, in my own struggle with perfectionism, and from my incredible clients is that while “perfect” can seem like a high standard, it’s actually an incredibly limiting belief.

If “perfect” is the standard, then anything less than “perfect” is failure. “Perfect” means you have two options…

1. SOMETHING IMPOSSIBLE or
2. failure.
   

Hmmm… does that sound limiting to you? It does to me!

When you move away from the limiting belief of “everything is perfect or everything goes to hell,” so much opens up. There is SO MUCH LIFE between perfect and failure. In fact, that in between is the place I’ve really found worth living in.

Where in your life has the limiting belief of “perfect” held you back from experiencing joy? From growth? From resilience? From confidence? From going after a dream? From freedom? From connection? From exploration? From faith? From fun?